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A Poetic Experiment


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Crystalwizard 15th January 2007 09:38 PM

 

Poetic Experiment

 

I'm not sure this form exists. I've never heard of it at least and so far, neither has anyone else. It's been giving the name Crystallic Pentameter by Gordan Green... and until I hear otherwise, that's what I'm going to call it.

 

Here are the rules:

The poem MUST be about nature in some way.

The stanzas each have 5 lines. Each line has a specific number of syllables:

line 1: 5 syllables

line 2: 4 syllables

line 3: 3 syllables

line 4: 2 syllables

line 5: 1 syllable

 

Here are two examples:

 

Time trickles slowly

as the day fades

into dusk.

Twilight.

Night.

 

Stars glitter brightly.

The moon rises.

Paints the land

with silvery.

light.

 

So, let's see what you can do with it.

 

megustaleer 16th January 2007 10:27 AM

 

My twopenn'orth:

 

Cascading water,

Downward plunging

Into pools

From high

Falls.

 

David 16th January 2007 10:41 AM

It's been giving the name Crystallic Pentameter by Gordan Green... and until I hear otherwise, that's what I'm going to call it.

I'm afraid you and Gordan will need to re-think that, Crystalwizard. Pentameter is very strictly a metrical form in which there are five metrical 'feet' (group of syllables - hence 'pent' ameter) in each line. Easiest to think of this as ten syllables per line since that's the most common (iambic), but it depends. What you have created is a specific form (like Haiku) rather than a a hybrid of metre (or meter in American English).

 

It's quite effective, though, with a clear sense of movement and resolution that fits the subject matter of nature well.

 

elfstar 16th January 2007 10:43 AM

 

Not sure I've counted right but I'll give it a go :o

 

 

Flowers in the snow

Long awaited

Life showing

Soon now

Spring.

 

Krey20 16th January 2007 12:15 PM

 

I've given it a go. :quiver:

 

Naked branches sway.

Nature's caress,

Gently sighs.

A cool,

Breeze

 

Barblue 16th January 2007 07:11 PM

 

Here's my heartfelt contribution - our weather is awful at the moment Cw

(hope I've counted correctly too)

 

Noise of wind and rain

keeps me awake;

and will it

never

stop

 

I am intrigued with this format. I may try again soon.

Great idea :)

 

Crystalwizard 16th January 2007 08:00 PM

Here's my heartfelt contribution - our weather is awful at the moment Cw

(hope I've counted correctly too)

 

Noise of wind and rain

keeps me awake;

and will it

never

stop

 

I am intrigued with this format. I may try again soon.

Great idea

Very nice first attempt. I like it. Looking forward to seeing you do more.

 

Just watch the syllable count a little closer. 1 too many in the first line:

no-ise of wind and rain = 6 instead of 5

 

Kelly

 

Crystalwizard 16th January 2007 08:01 PM

Not sure I've counted right but I'll give it a go

 

 

Flowers in the snow

Long awaited

Life showing

Soon now

Spring.

Oh that's pretty. Excellent job. I like what you've come up with.

 

Lady Lazarus 16th January 2007 08:02 PM

 

Here's my contribution...

 

Night-time descending

Black envelopes

Our bodies

Become

One.

 

Crystalwizard 16th January 2007 08:02 PM

My twopenn'orth:

 

Cascading water,

Downward plunging

Into pools

From high

Falls.

Very nice. I can see that water fall in my mind.

 

Crystalwizard 16th January 2007 08:03 PM

I'm afraid you and Gordan will need to re-think that

 

It's quite effective, though, with a clear sense of movement and resolution that fits the subject matter of nature well.

I'm open to other names. Any suggestions? Thanks for the compliment btw and I really enjoy reading what others are doing with it.

 

Crystalwizard 16th January 2007 08:05 PM

I've given it a go.

 

Naked branches sway.

Nature's caress,

Gently sighs.

A cool,

Breeze

Excellent job. Though our wind is anything but gentle at the moment here in Texas. Or cool. More like Frozen ;) Write more?

 

Crystalwizard 16th January 2007 08:06 PM

Here's my contribution...

 

Night-time descending

Black envelopes

Our bodies

Become

One.

Interesting imagery in this. It keeps changing as I read it over. Very cool.

 

megustaleer 16th January 2007 08:18 PM

Very nice first attempt. I like it. Looking forward to seeing you do more.

 

Just watch the syllable count a little closer. 1 too many in the first line:

no-ise of wind and rain = 6 instead of 5

 

Kelly

I make it 5 syllables.

Noise is pronounced noyz where I come from, so presumably also where Barblue comes from.

 

I have had cross-pond pronunciation differences cause problems with rhyme on another site, too.

Crystalwizard 16th January 2007 08:22 PM

I make it 5 syllables.

Noise is pronounced noyz where I come from, so presumably also where Barblue comes from.

I have had cross-pond pronunciation differences cause problems with rhyme on another site, too.

 

 

 

Very true, and I appologize. I should know by now to check the dictionary before I open my mouth. The dictionary has it at one syllable. That's what I gits fer bein' a big 'ol dum' Texan y'all!

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#16 17th January 2007, 08:04 AM

Krey20

... bein'... y'all

Would it be cheating to use these to cut down on syllables?

 

#17 17th January 2007, 12:08 PM

megustaleer

Would it be cheating to use these to cut down on syllables?

Not as long as the rest of the poem was in regional accent/dialect too, I wouldn't have thought.

 

Want to try one in a Suffolk accent for us, Krey20?

 

#18 Yesterday, 09:55 AM

Krey20

 

At the risk of conforming to a stereotype, I'll try to translate the poem I've already posted into "suffolk", I would like to add that my accent has softened a lot but I draw inspiration from my Grandad.

Naked branches sway.

Nature's caress,

Gently sighs.

A cool,

Breeze

Nakud bran'chus swaay.

Nat'ur's kuress.

Gent'li soys,

A cuul,

Broese

 

A'rigt booy! (Translation: Alright boy!) I think it still works.

 

I apologise unreservedly to the entrie population of Suffolk.

 

#19 Yesterday, 11:06 AM

megustaleer

 

Not bad! I could 'hear' it in approximate 'Suffolk' as I read!

Of course, it does put the syllable count out a bit!

 

#20 Yesterday, 12:46 PM

Lady Lazarus

Interesting imagery in this. It keeps changing as I read it over. Very cool.

thanks

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