David Posted February 27, 2007 Report Share Posted February 27, 2007 Rescued Thread Crystalwizard 15th January 2007 09:38 PM Poetic Experiment I'm not sure this form exists. I've never heard of it at least and so far, neither has anyone else. It's been giving the name Crystallic Pentameter by Gordan Green... and until I hear otherwise, that's what I'm going to call it. Here are the rules: The poem MUST be about nature in some way. The stanzas each have 5 lines. Each line has a specific number of syllables: line 1: 5 syllables line 2: 4 syllables line 3: 3 syllables line 4: 2 syllables line 5: 1 syllable Here are two examples: Time trickles slowly as the day fades into dusk. Twilight. Night. Stars glitter brightly. The moon rises. Paints the land with silvery. light. So, let's see what you can do with it. megustaleer 16th January 2007 10:27 AM My twopenn'orth: Cascading water, Downward plunging Into pools From high Falls. David 16th January 2007 10:41 AM It's been giving the name Crystallic Pentameter by Gordan Green... and until I hear otherwise, that's what I'm going to call it. I'm afraid you and Gordan will need to re-think that, Crystalwizard. Pentameter is very strictly a metrical form in which there are five metrical 'feet' (group of syllables - hence 'pent' ameter) in each line. Easiest to think of this as ten syllables per line since that's the most common (iambic), but it depends. What you have created is a specific form (like Haiku) rather than a a hybrid of metre (or meter in American English). It's quite effective, though, with a clear sense of movement and resolution that fits the subject matter of nature well. elfstar 16th January 2007 10:43 AM Not sure I've counted right but I'll give it a go Flowers in the snow Long awaited Life showing Soon now Spring. Krey20 16th January 2007 12:15 PM I've given it a go. Naked branches sway. Nature's caress, Gently sighs. A cool, Breeze Barblue 16th January 2007 07:11 PM Here's my heartfelt contribution - our weather is awful at the moment Cw (hope I've counted correctly too) Noise of wind and rain keeps me awake; and will it never stop I am intrigued with this format. I may try again soon. Great idea Crystalwizard 16th January 2007 08:00 PM Here's my heartfelt contribution - our weather is awful at the moment Cw (hope I've counted correctly too) Noise of wind and rain keeps me awake; and will it never stop I am intrigued with this format. I may try again soon. Great idea Very nice first attempt. I like it. Looking forward to seeing you do more. Just watch the syllable count a little closer. 1 too many in the first line: no-ise of wind and rain = 6 instead of 5 Kelly Crystalwizard 16th January 2007 08:01 PM Not sure I've counted right but I'll give it a go Flowers in the snow Long awaited Life showing Soon now Spring. Oh that's pretty. Excellent job. I like what you've come up with. Lady Lazarus 16th January 2007 08:02 PM Here's my contribution... Night-time descending Black envelopes Our bodies Become One. Crystalwizard 16th January 2007 08:02 PM My twopenn'orth: Cascading water, Downward plunging Into pools From high Falls. Very nice. I can see that water fall in my mind. Crystalwizard 16th January 2007 08:03 PM I'm afraid you and Gordan will need to re-think that It's quite effective, though, with a clear sense of movement and resolution that fits the subject matter of nature well. I'm open to other names. Any suggestions? Thanks for the compliment btw and I really enjoy reading what others are doing with it. Crystalwizard 16th January 2007 08:05 PM I've given it a go. Naked branches sway. Nature's caress, Gently sighs. A cool, Breeze Excellent job. Though our wind is anything but gentle at the moment here in Texas. Or cool. More like Frozen Write more? Crystalwizard 16th January 2007 08:06 PM Here's my contribution... Night-time descending Black envelopes Our bodies Become One. Interesting imagery in this. It keeps changing as I read it over. Very cool. megustaleer 16th January 2007 08:18 PM Very nice first attempt. I like it. Looking forward to seeing you do more. Just watch the syllable count a little closer. 1 too many in the first line: no-ise of wind and rain = 6 instead of 5 Kelly I make it 5 syllables. Noise is pronounced noyz where I come from, so presumably also where Barblue comes from. I have had cross-pond pronunciation differences cause problems with rhyme on another site, too. Crystalwizard 16th January 2007 08:22 PM I make it 5 syllables. Noise is pronounced noyz where I come from, so presumably also where Barblue comes from. I have had cross-pond pronunciation differences cause problems with rhyme on another site, too. Very true, and I appologize. I should know by now to check the dictionary before I open my mouth. The dictionary has it at one syllable. That's what I gits fer bein' a big 'ol dum' Texan y'all! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
David Posted February 27, 2007 Author Report Share Posted February 27, 2007 #16 17th January 2007, 08:04 AM Krey20 ... bein'... y'all Would it be cheating to use these to cut down on syllables? #17 17th January 2007, 12:08 PM megustaleer Would it be cheating to use these to cut down on syllables? Not as long as the rest of the poem was in regional accent/dialect too, I wouldn't have thought. Want to try one in a Suffolk accent for us, Krey20? #18 Yesterday, 09:55 AM Krey20 At the risk of conforming to a stereotype, I'll try to translate the poem I've already posted into "suffolk", I would like to add that my accent has softened a lot but I draw inspiration from my Grandad. Naked branches sway. Nature's caress, Gently sighs. A cool, Breeze Nakud bran'chus swaay. Nat'ur's kuress. Gent'li soys, A cuul, Broese A'rigt booy! (Translation: Alright boy!) I think it still works. I apologise unreservedly to the entrie population of Suffolk. #19 Yesterday, 11:06 AM megustaleer Not bad! I could 'hear' it in approximate 'Suffolk' as I read! Of course, it does put the syllable count out a bit! #20 Yesterday, 12:46 PM Lady Lazarus Interesting imagery in this. It keeps changing as I read it over. Very cool. thanks Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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