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Abbynormal92243

Corrupted Wish Game

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Your friends have all come to live with you and you are discovering all their disgusting personal habits and irritating quirks and wondering what the Hell you ever saw in these people!

 

(I DO sympathize, though - my friends are on the other side of the ocean)

 

I wish I could stop buying so many books! (Someone corrupt that one quick!) :D

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You do. Your next shopping splurge on Amazon gets a bit carried away and you buy everything. Yes, I mean all the books they have. Your credit card is then maxed out so you can't buy any more books but you're happy.... We're not supposed to do happy endings are we? Ok then, your delivery of all these books gets mistaken for a donation to your local library. The books go to a good home (although sadly not yours!) but you can no longer buy more books. you can borrow them though (a few at a time) so all is not lost! :D

 

I wish I had enough free time that I could spend a whole weekend reading like I used to be able to.

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You get your wish and you spend a week on the sofa reading to your heart's content but you stop being able to tell fact from fiction and your life takes on a whole new isolated existence.

 

I wish Tony Blair would go and live in America with George Bush

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Blair does go to live in the States with Bush - but having won an 'historical third term', is still our Prime Minister. Now, however, he's even more Yankified and, like most US-based politicians, has no concept of what's going on in the rest of the world - which starts to inform new rules and regs in the UK. Eventually, everyone in Britain dies from being either too obese, shooting one another or from car crashes caused by driving on the wrong side of the road. (Courtesy, Cliched Views of Other Countries Inc.)

 

I wish all the poor and needy children of the world could be fed and clothed and for there to be no more war.

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(It really pains me to corrupt this one BUT it is the 'corrupted wish thread)

 

All the needy children of the world are fed on the Western junk food diet and become obese, plus they are clothed by Nike, so they become rabid consumers so there is no more war because everyone is fat and complacent and just doesn't give a damn. :rolleyes:

 

I wish that elections weren't so often - same old, same old!

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Elections are no longer held so often and because of this we are stuck with labour for the next twenty-five years. Thanks ChrisG!

 

I wish that all my friends would move out of my house (see previous wish) and into a house down the road.

 

(I DO sympathize, though - my friends are on the other side of the ocean)

 

Mine too - at least it means I can have good holidays though! :D

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Your friends move out and start to have a good time, parties and such. Apart from you are not ivited because you kicked you out. They tell everyone how mean you and you die alone.

 

I wish that it was the end of term NOW

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It is the end of term. You've done no revision and fail all your exams. You spend the rest of your days as an unskilled labourer on a pig farm just outside Stafford Train station.

 

I wish the twenty-odd years worth of renovation on my house could be done overnight.

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It is done overnight. By cowboys. Now your property has no value whatsoever, looks like a joke and everyone that passes cannot stop laughing at it/you. In shame, you emigrate to a mountain in Bagheera where you are finally spotted forty-one years later talking to a gorilla.

 

I wish all the world's most nauseating schoolkids didn't seem to descend upon South West London.

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The world's most nauseating schoolkids no longer descend upon South West London as the wearing of Nike trainers leads to ASBOs - the result of this is that South West London is taken over by followers of the Kaballah who wrap all remaining citizens up in red thread and take them to be re-cycled.

 

I wish I could double guess what clients would buy ...........

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You do. Unfortunately, you're so good at it that the shops empty entirely sparking off such and increase in business profits that the CBI explodes in excitement and the Bank of England hikes interest rates so high that everone's house gets repossessed. The whole of Great Britain becomes a nation of bums living out of cardboard boxes.

 

I wish I could make croissants.

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You can. And for convenience you eat nothing but for several years. Subsequently your weight balloons to fifty-eight stone and you become a female wrestler, just in time for the remake of that bloody awful ITV series that's just been axed...

 

I wish loads of people would buy my book...

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Loads of people do buy your book (if we knew what it was we might as well) and you are hailed as the new Jeffrey Archer. Devastated and broken by this you donate all proceeds from the novel to the Pug Welfare Association. Even greater public adulation follows the reporting of this in the press and you are elected to parliament – you write another book and you are hailed as the new Edina Currie …. Even the members of bookgrouponline and the Pug Welfare Association now desert you and you fake your own suicide and are never heard of again as you live out your days in a yurt iin the wide open spaces of Anne Widdecombe's back garden (it is also rumoured you ghost write her novels)

 

I wish that libraries were open 24 hours a day

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They are. Unfortunately since you can now stay in the library for as long as you like you don't leave. You just sit there reading book after book after book... Eventually you take up permanent residency there, sleeping under tables using books as a pillow. Unsuprisingly you lose your grip on reality fairly quickly and now live in a strange little world in your head. A similar situation to the one Brumb put me in after my last wish :P

 

I wish I had one of those huge aquariums with lots of cute little fish in.

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They do. Enjoy having your nappy changed.

 

I wish I could walk into a shop and find clothes I like in the right size straight away.

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You can. In fact, every shop you go into has clothes you love that fit you to perfection. This leads you into a buying frenzy. You max out your credit cards and your car gets repossessed because you can't make the payments so you have loads of fabulous clothes but can't afford to go out anywhere.

 

I wish I had more time to get everything done that I need to

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They are. And rock 'n' roll as we know it dies a death accordingly. Now everyone under the age of 25 is painfully well-mannered and has no edge of which to speak, not to mention any discernible personality traits whatsoever. Old men therefore become the new rebels...

 

I wish razor blades, loo roll and tampons were free - like they should be...

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Having rubbed my magic lamp, your three wishes are hereby granted. Razor blades are now free - to ladies. Tampons are now free - to men. And all babies under six months old are given free loo rolls, complete with explicit instructions in their use - in Sanskrit. Thus do New Labour keep their promises.

 

My wish is that, during his unending sojurn in Hell, Doctor Richard Beeching's eternal flames be extinguished daily by being smothered under 24 tons of rancid hyena droppings, which, when they dry, spontaneously combust.

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Granted. Hyenas become extinct and every frustrated commuter in the world gets so excited they pass away from sheer joy. Heaven gets clogged up and everyone left gets to go to hell. Nice.

 

I wish I could enjoy the walk to work in the morning.

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You can and do, unfortunately you enjoy it so much you are consistently late for work and end up getting the sack, you now spend all your time retracing your path to work on an endless loop.

 

 

I wish someone would reply to my thread on "anything but books"

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They did. You feel obliged to try out each and every suggestion and go bankrupt. Sorry.

 

I wish I could grow my own vegetables.

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