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Charles Kennedy is prime miniser and changes the consittuion so that only people with ginger hair can vote and don't have to pay tax (this means he has to bring Robin Cook into his cabinet as well) which means there all gnome purchases are now vat free as well.

 

I wish that New York hadn't got that complicated smoking ban

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The new smoking ban is very simple - no smoking whatsoever in the entire state.

 

I wish MTV2 was actually showing stuff to signify that today is the 11th anniversary of Kurt Cobain's death, instead of just showing Spongebob Squarepants *fumes*

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OK, so the ban is reversed, but there is still money in the Banning Budget which has to be used somewhere ! So Ice Cream and Jelly are banned in New York, very meanly, making all children under 11 very grumpy, so grumpy that the form an organised resistance movement, carrying out 'jellyings' of unsuspecting smokers who they view to be to blame. Everyone has to wear waterproof ponchos in the street to protect their clothes, New York's reputation as a hub of fashion and stylishness is ruined, companies pack up and the city is deserted...

 

I wish I had lots of shoes... only joking ;) Can you believe a girl I was at school with sent this wish off to Jim'll Fix it?! How rubbish is that?!

I wish I could drive properly, like make gear changes easily and not just on long stretches of straight road with no traffic lights, so I could actually pass my test and stop wasting money on retaking it and even more lessons! :)

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You have finally learned to drive properly and have passed your test. Unfortunately, because it took so many tries you are deemed a bad risk and no one will give you insurance.

 

I wish someone would knit sweaters for my poor, shivering cats (see former wish corruption)

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Your friendly neighbourhood knitting club for grannys moves into your house and knit sweaters for all your cats. Yey! :) But in exchange you must spend 7 hours a day massaging their corniced feet :( (Sorry grannies out there!)

 

I wish the girl next to me at work wasn't flashing her thong quite so much!

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Teachers stop giving homework alltogether and students on holiday are forced to endure hours of the insipid dross of daytime television, thus being converted into a phalanx of chavs and chavettes.

 

I wish I had my own Lear jet so I could visit the USA whenever I wanted.

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You do have your Lear jet as requested although not for much longer for it transpires that beneficiaries of the Edward Lear Memorial Trust Fund, (ELMTF) armed with a plethora of grotesquely-built bailiffs, have come knocking at your property under the mistaken belief that your prized aeronautical craft rightfully belongs in the deceased authors ownership. On closer inspection and to add to the horror reckoning, these bailiffs sport lovingly depicted illustrations of MaCavity and the Owl and the Pussycat on their lapels, which only acts to magnify their sense of physical formidability, (as anyone whose had the misfortune of witnessing the musical 'Cats' will testify.)

 

I wish that Conservative door-to-door ‘dodgy dossier’ salesmen would cease scavenging for my vote seeing as my allegiances do not lie with the Right of the political scrotum…….sorry…, SPECTRUM. (I always make that mistake….well, seeing as this is the ‘Humour’ section after all.)

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The Conservatives will cease canvassing for your vote, because the last one to call managed to hypnotise you into believing their policies will save the world, bring universal happiness, and increase your personal fortune. You wouldn't dream of voting for any other party!

 

 

I wish that I had self-trimming lawn edges.

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You do manage to finish all your work this week, but only because the working week is now seven days long as the new conservative goverment, that excalibur voted in after being hypnotised, have abolished weekends!

 

I wish that I finished work early on Fridays like everyone else seems to.

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(Nice, cheery reply there...)

 

Sex & the City is on all day Saturday and Sunday - and you are forced to watch every single episode and to pretend that it's remotely funny to a group of sadistic adjudicators.

 

I wish there were such a thing as a music station that didn't feel compelled to play Coldplay...

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(Lmao at LittleBritain's reply.....I think I'll stick to leaving my homework 'till the last minute.....)

 

This new music station doesn't feel compelled to play any Coldplay, instead they play Maroon 5 and Keane all day, every day.

 

I wish Sex and the City was on twice EVERY day :D:D:D

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Sex and the City is one twice a day for all eternity. However, you are turned into a boy and suddenly don't find it remotely funny. In fact, just like Green Wing on Channel 4, you realise it's rubbish.

 

I wish that, every time I thought of an answer to a corrupted wish, I didn't then have to think of another wish for someone else to trample over.

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Congratulations, the world now believes unquestioningly in your every utterance and recognises you as being highly trustworthy and full to bursting with intergrity.

 

You seize the opportunity to embark on a glittering political career in which you show up the current mob for the smooth talking shysters they really are. It is all going swimmingly well until your standard deviation with farm animals is leaked to the "Daily Mail".

 

I wish I had broadband.

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You get broadband and are immediately so overwhelmed with the super high speed internet that you are downloading approximately 1500 songs a day. Unfortunately this causes your computer to explode, and you inconveniently don't have broadband, or 'narrow'band anymore.

 

I wish Pete Doherty would stop taking drugs and lying about it.

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Pete Doherty stops taking drugs and the Libertines split up. He becomes a leading member of an Online Book Group, but nobody ever believes what he says about the books he reads!

 

I wish my flight to New York wasn't going to take 7 hours! :(

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You book with Concorde to save flight time, all the while forgetting that it no longer exists and arrive in the States fourteen years before you left, bumping into yourself on the way back and falling into some kind of timewarp with Lord Lucan and discontinued parts of Michael Jackson's face for company.

 

I wish I could save money on my home contents insurance! But how?

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