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Abbynormal92243

Corrupted Wish Game

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You DO marry Colin Firth and live happily ever after....UNTIL that is, your poor ex-boyfriend who you cruelly dumped in favour of Mr Firth's attentions intervenes with your perfect life by challenging him to a duel in a fountain (my own idea, not poached from any films :P ). Sadly your ex-boyfriend overpowers Colin Firth and ties him to the fountain wearing only a pair of manky old y-fronts. You can never look at him with respect again and your marriage goes downhill after that.....sorry!

 

I wish I had been clever enough to win the pub quiz last night, I would have won a crate of beer and £180!

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You did win the quiz last night but only by putting yourself through the humiliating process of dancing for the audience in the style of David Brent while sporting a giant chicken costume, and you spent the £180 at the chippy on the way home, thus putting on 3 stone overnight, plus you have a hangover...

 

I wish I could the herione in Pride and Prejudice (thus sneakily also bagging myself Colin Firth again and rescuing myself from the failing marriage, see above).

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Ok, you're the heroine in Pride & Prejudice BBC version. You're a star!! And you do indeed bag Colin Firth, happy days! It's also happy for the rest of the crew, it's the last day of filming! Colin Firth is off to cavort with Bridget Jones and your next job is appearing as an admin assistant in a new version of 'The Office' set in...wait for it.....A newspaper office! And your co-star/romantic love interest is....Ian Beale!

 

I wish that Johnny Depp lived across the street so that I could have the thrill of spying on him every day with my binoculars, and perhaps a chance meeting in the street! And Vanessa Paradis is still in Paris. She's not allowed!

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Johnny Depp does move in opposite you, but instead of seeing him through your binoculars, you spy his rather ugly, knarled and wrinkly old cleaner, as he takes his bi-annual bath. He takes this as a sign you are flirting with him and in consequence, the smelly old cleaner falls madly in love with you, spends all his evenings crooning outside your flat in a fetching pair of Y-fronts. ;)

 

I wish I could stop typing out entries for this stupid phonebook and write an incredibly profound, yet gripping and romantic, masterpiece of Literature.

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You do complete such a novel - it's gripping, romantic, profound - you're billed as the next Charlotte Bronte! Your novel sells millions of copies and makes you a multi millionaire aka JK Rowling! Unfortunately, like all geniuses, your talent is unrecognised in your own time and your success is posthumous. Your novel is considered brilliant - but in 2200AD! You spend your life trying (and failing) to get said novel published, supplementing your paltry income by typing out adverts in a newspaper office!

 

I wish that Louise who sits next to me hadn't just succeeded in persuading me that Brian McFadden, formerly of Westlife, has become a sex god! :o

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You look at http://www.webqueen.mobilixnet.dk/Westlife/Bryan.html and become cured of your newfound conviction, however, you develop a powerful crush on Ronan Keaton instead, and spend your life savings following 'Our Ronan' around the world. You become the subject of one of those reality TV documentaries, following deranged fans around, which is so hilarious that everyone watches it, and everyone you have ever known becomes aware of your sad obsession... former friends ignore you in the street, your company is scorned by all, and worst of all, Ronan won't even know you exist...

 

I wish everyone in my office would stop being so grumpy and soulless, and would break out in song and dance, a la Musical Comedy. Or crack a joke that is actually funny. Or smile.

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Haha, your wish is granted! *evil smile*

 

You now go to work every day in a can-can outfit and take part in 'Daily Record - The Musical'. Every day you must compose a new song about phone books and perform it in front of your colleagues while dancing on your desk and TYPING WITH YOUR TOES! (obviously you must still hit your targets, even if you ARE singing and dancing!)

 

Ahhh, work is so much fun!

 

I wish I had my own private Jet so I could fly away on holiday any time I wanted. And Johnny Depp as my pilot/steward/general slave!

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Your wish is granted, but you understaffed your plane at your peril: every time Johnny Depp comes into the passenger lounge to... entertain you, the plane begins to fall out of the sky, so he has to spend all his time running between the two jobs of pilot and slave, leaving you with the dilemma of chosing between death but with short lived enjoyment on the way to death, or let Mr Depp get on with his job like the responsible pilot that he is, giving you little chance to get to know each other on more intimate terms.

 

I wish that one of the following romantic heroes would leap out of the stationery cupboard, whisk me off my feet and spirit me away to an exotic location with him:

(Mr Darcy/Colin Firth - obviously

Mr Rochester

David Duchovny

George Clooney)

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Woo! David Duchovny to your rescue! Out he pops, out of the stationery cupboard, whisks you off your feet and......takes you back into the stationery cupboard! (well it's unexpected if not truly exotic!) You have to hide among the pens and post-its and be very quiet as he's spying on your boss who is suspected of being an alien. Scully is on another mission and he got bored being alone, hence his abduction of your fine self!

 

As for George Clooney, get lost! He's mine! :mad:

 

I wish that the building would go on fire, that all the computers would explode and we all got put on paid leave til they were fixed! And we are all rescued by hunky firemen. And the firemen fall in love with me. All of them. And they've been rescuing kittens from trees all morning. Hmmm...getting carried away...! :o

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The firemen, of course, fall in love with the next maiden in distress they rescue, the following week, thus leaving you with nothing but a flat full of un-house-trained kittens who scratch. By this time, you are back at work, and thanks to the new equipment, are expected to be twice as efficient, leaving no time free to fantasise about firemen!

 

I wish all the silly sales people around me would realise the error of their ways, grow real hearts and souls and devote their time to helping the poor and needy of the world instead of selling things nobody needs, such as adverts in the phonebook...

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All the silly sales people around you become Jehoveh's witnesses and spend their working life to convert you (and they don't drink tea or coffee either so there are no coffee breaks)

 

I wish that the Charles and Camilla wedding furore was over

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The furore over Charles and Camilla disappears, only to be replaced with even greater furore, as Prince William declares himself to be gay! The establishment is in uproar, women faint in the street. In fact, Gay Prince William is the headline of every newspaper and the first item on every news bulletin for a decade!

 

I wish Britain would win Eurovision this year!

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We do win Eurovision this year - and you're the winning candidate! Unfortunately you win dressed in an identical outfit to the one Jordan (aka Katie Price) wore in the heats! You are forced to do hundreds of publicity shots and appear on every daytime tv programme for months. You lose all self respect and become a laughing stock, and your nickname is Barbie.

 

I wish......hmmm........I wish I was as clever as my little sister who has just got 99% and 100% in her physics and maths AS levels.

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Now you have your Maths and Physics AS levels, but your calf muscles have withered away after months of book bashing at your desk, thus meaning you are no longer able to stand on tip-toes, thus meaning you can no longer reach all manner of good things that can be found on top shelves :eek: Such as Physics text books by authors whose names begin with A. Meaning you go on to score only 75% in your final A levels :eek::eek:

 

Surely this is a fate worse than death....

 

I wish I had spent less time at high school worrying about exams and more time cavorting with boys behind the bike sheds ;)

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I wish I had spent less time at high school worrying about exams and more time cavorting with boys behind the bike sheds ;)

 

 

You DID spend all your time cavorting with boys--that's why you now have 19 kids, the youngest of which is teething, so you are constantly covered in drool and Zwieback toast.

 

 

I wish I had a farm with lots of acres and a full staff to keep everything up while I wrote best-selling novels.

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You have a large farm with a full staff, unfortunately, you bought a farm on a marsh, and you house is sinking along with your novels-in-progress. I would come and help you out but Kyle, my 19th child, has colic, and Shelley, my oldest, has just told me she is pregnant again... ;-)

 

I wish my brother becomes a famour film director, putting me in a position to meet all manor of exciting movie star type people like... Colin Firth... or George Clooney...

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Your brother is a famous film director and brings Colin Firth, George Cloony and a few others to meet you, unfortunately you discover that they are all arrogant idiots and far too concerned with themselves to take any notice of you.

 

I wish the job that I love paid me more!

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The job you love does pay you more - sadly it's the last time you get paid more - you've been paid off! :(

 

I wish that Metallica would kidnap my sister and take her on tour as a groupie, because I'm visiting home just now and she's driving me crazy by playing heavy metal music at full blast!

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Metallica do kidnap your sister and when you go to get her back you and Lars Ulrich (the drummer) fall madly and passionately in love and you have to attend all their concerts even though you still hate the music

 

I wish that pigs could fly

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You are indestructable, but only because you are Captain Scarlett, which means you have less available facial expressions than Anne Robinson. Also, those pesky Mysterons won't leave you alone, they keep turning up and nearly killing you again. You are obliged to spend the rest of your days saving the world from certain destruction, to make it worse someone has tied string to all you limbs and made you into a puppet. Indestructability comes at a high price! ;)

 

I wish my boyfriend had A Great Estate in Derbyshire like Mr Darcy so I didn't need to work in this rubbish job anymore and could spend my time learning to play the piano and riding horses and drying flowers instead!

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Your boyfriend does have a Great Estate in the country, but, like many estate owners he is foundering under all the taxes and so cannot hire any help. You have had to give up your (paying) job and are learning to make wonderful tunes on the piano as you are dusting and polishing the keyboard as part of your housekeeping duties, as well as exercising the horses every day and shoveling the manure which you then have to spread about the flower garden to grow the flowers that you then have to cut and dry and make into tinctures and ointments because the estate is too far out in the country for you to ever get to a doctor!

 

I wish my cats wouldn't shed all over the house!

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Your cats are all bald so your house is fuzz free! Ha ha ha (evil laugh)

 

I wish it was summer already instead of this stupid rain and cold weather that has started again, as it makes me very grumpy!

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Your cats are all bald so your house is fuzz free! Ha ha ha (evil laugh)

 

That is a particularly mean corruption! Chris I can completely empathise with you on the cat hair :)

 

Anyways back to corruptions :P Romance Obsessed, it is summer and it is one of the best on record, beautiful sunshine, cooling breeze and everyone is very happy and courteous to one another, unfortunately you and your rubbish job have been relocated to the southern hemisphere.

 

Edit - I forgot to put my wish! As others have continued the corruptions I shall not mess up the system and will leave my wish until next time.

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It is summer except, (just for a change) it transpires to be the hottest on record dramatically influencing the number of sunburn casualties (not excluding yourself). To counter the effects of en masse panic buying, ‘Boots’ and other cosmetic stores raise the retail price of suntan lotion by 99900% making it a commodity only for the extremely wealthy. A nation bewildered at the prospect of being frazzled begin removing all of their life-savings from their bank accounts, thereby causing the banks to go bankrupt. In turn, these banks start demanding money from other businesses, from which they have been borrowing from over a protracted period of time. Businesses go bust, the Chancellor’s smile as well as his Budget Box loses all of its photogenic appeal and hyperinflation sets in, crippling the economy and reducing this great country to a corrupted banana republic.

 

I wish that Charles Kennedy were Prime Minister……….

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