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Your wish is granted - you can consume as many Chocolate Easter Eggs as you wish, yet gather no avoirdupois.

 

This is because you are allergic to chocolate, and throw up violently after swallowing each mouthful - but you cannot stop eating them !

 

I wish I could find a mint, inexpensive, mono, first pressing of Piper At The Gates Of Dawn at the record fair tomorrow.

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You get you mint, inexpensive, mono, first pressing of Piper At The Gates Of Dawn home and put it on the table to admire it. Your best friend comes round with a child and whilst you are out of the room melts the disc up to make a flower pot having just learned to do this at primary school.

 

I wish I could give up smoking

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Since you can't think of a suitably entertaining wish, we shoot YOU down in flames instead! Now you have a long time in hospital unable to move, so you can spend lots of time thinking up wishes!

 

I wish that all the Neds/Chavs/Spides/Scallys/....(you get the picture) would all move to Aiya Napa and stay there and leave the rest of the UK for normal people. I'll even pay to open up a Burberry shop just to tempt them.....free buckfast.....Adidas bottoms for everyone....orange fake tan, domestos for their hair....come on, they'd be in heaven and our town centres/public transport/empty properties would be a hell of a lot safer!

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All the chavs etc are sent to Ayia Napa (tho Kavos might have been a better choice it could have been cut off or set afloat........) but as it was your idea you are sent out to organise the move and become chief chavette.

 

I wish my knowledge was good enough to keep up with the poetry chain without balancing my poetry books on the window ledge by the pc.

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Your wish is granted - your knowledge of poetry is such that you are invited to chair discussions on Radio 4.

 

Unfortunately, removing the books from the window sill means that you have to put pot plants there instead - and you are favoured with a visit from the Drug Squad.

 

I wish my voice recognition software worked, so I could just dictate my responses and e-mails.

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Dogs can walk and clear up after themselves, they also clear up everything left by anybody else, thus that book you put down for 2 minutes is gone as is the cup of coffee you had planned to drink, in fact dogs consider most human things worthy of clearing and your home is almost empty......

 

I wish I could see the hills instead of the pall of mist.

(perhap I should move the pot plants see Obsuka's post)

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