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Abbynormal92243

Corrupted Wish Game

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22 inches tall it is then. You become too scared to go out in case someone mistakes you for an oompah-loompah (did I mention the shrinking process turned you green and orange?) and dips you in chocolate.

 

I wish I didn't look like my passport photo.

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Your wish is granted (said he, waving his magic wand) - you look nothing like your passport photograph, and are promptly denied entry to the UK after your latest holiday. Unfortunately, the only country which will accept you as an illegal alien is in the throes of its bi-weekly revolution, and by a strange quirk of fate you end up being 'elected' as head of state, and are promptly assassinated - and not even your remains are able to be returned for cremation, so you are buried at sea. By yet another amazing stroke of good fortune, your mortal remains are consumed by a dogfish, which ends up in a fishmongers' in Slough, thus finally gaining you admittance to the country.

 

I wish raindrops were flavoured.

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Raindrops are flavoured - flavoured with Marmite, so now only a small proportion of the population is able to go out when it is raining. Luckily I like Marmite.

 

I wish for the moon.

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And you shall have it - all of it. It makes a bit of a dent in your house when it fall out of the sky though....more of a crater really and to say that your neighbours are a little displeased is an understatement.

 

I wish dogs came with cooling devices so you could walk them when it's hot outside.

 

p.s. I like Marmite too.

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Dogs now come with cooling devices and can be walked when it’s hot outside. A crime wave ensues as dog owners are mugged by ‘Scrap Heat Challenge’ aficionado’s keen to create air-conditioning units at home and work.

 

I wish I had a swimming pool

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You do, but it doesn't have any water in it, making it a fairly pointless tiled hole in the ground.

 

I wish I had the faintest idea what I was doing.

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You do, but it is so faint it soon disappears, leaving you with that nagging 'I've forgotten something' feeling.

 

I wish I had worn trainers so I could get a ride on my friends new bike.

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You do have worn trainers - in fact they are so worn they fall apart, leaving you to pedal five miles beneath the relentless burning sun, intoning the while in a rhythmic fashion 'New shoon soon would be a boon'.

 

I wish my analogue satellite TV system translated from German into English for me, so I could understand the live Tour de France commentary.

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Ta da, You have a new pool! But it's summer and all your neighbours what to use it at every hour. Be prepared for doorbell ringings at 3am!

 

I wish, just for a couple of days, I could go live life as a rich socilaite in the 50s.

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Let me explain as I see it, Deino. Dr S hasn't been in the site for a few days, and so was automatically taken to the last page she read, which was the page previous to this one. She erroneously believed that the wish at the bottom of the page was the last one, ie "I wish I had a swimming pool".

 

Now do you see?

 

So someone needs to answer Obskua's wish...

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And quickly, please - I'm dying to know what Jan Ullrich said to the photographer at the end of today's stage (it wasn't in the ITV2 highlights programme, for some reason ...)

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You do have worn trainers - in fact they are so worn they fall apart, leaving you to pedal five miles beneath the relentless burning sun, intoning the while in a rhythmic fashion 'New shoon soon would be a boon'.

 

I wish my analogue satellite TV system translated from German into English for me, so I could understand the live Tour de France commentary.

 

 

Your wish is granted, but unfortunately, you are Japanese and cannot understand English. You are totally perplexed why all these strange people keep swapping jumpers!

 

I wish our summers were always hot and sunny.

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It is Christmas and your husband's sister's aunt insists on cooking dinner in your house. There is an almighty row and the dinner is spoiled.

 

I wish I had a magic wand.

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You do have a magic wand - unfortunately Sauron realises he was barking up the wrong tree with all that Gollum ring stuff so he is now after you. As is Voldermort who has decided this Harry Potter bloke is not the real threat either. This is seriously bad news you - bish bosh - the end …….but no Hermione to the rescue again

 

I wish I hadn’t started to reply to this post ……

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You didn't, thereby missing the prize for the 10,000th post of 5 Euromillions lottery tickets, one of which just won £77 million.

 

I wish caravanners, old people and workmen in white vans all stayed off the road when I'm driving.

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Your wish is granted - you now become a coach driver, and have to transport all the aforementioned caravanners, old people and white van men (together with all of their goods, caravan contents and whatever it is that WVM has to get to its destination five minutes ago). New EU regulations for coaches require that you give way to all other road users, including cyclists, horse riders and herds of wandering sheep & cattle. The only other beings on the planet over which you have right of way are huntsmen & women.

 

i wish mosquitoes didn't make such a mess on my computer screen when I swat them.

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A mutated mosquito from Chernobyl grows to huge proportions in your loft. It descends and swats you, leaving your computer screen in pristine condition.

 

I wish all the food and drink that's so bad for me were healthy, whilst still tasting just as good.

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of course it still has the same amount of calories only you eat even more of it as it's good for you. The cost of specially made triple king-sized beds bankrupts you and you spend the rest of your days sleeping rough in a huge meteorite crater in Bognor.

 

I wish telephone helplines were open when I needed help....

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Bognor's just a few miles along the coast from me - I sense scary prophecy!

 

As for your wish, LucyB...

 

You get through after only one ring to a very helpful man who solves your problem immediately. Unfortunately, during the conversation he becomes mesmerised by your voice and develops a consuming obsession for you. Tracking you down from his company's database he spends the next two years stalking you, ending only after a lengthy legal process sees him jailed. The experience proved too much for you, though and you are committed to a secure mental unit in Bognor.

 

I wish everyone I met was kind, courteous and helpful. (Yeah, I'm really delving into the fanciful here!)

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They are. And - as anyone could have told you - the surfeit of good intention and pseudo-sincere niceness drives you round the bend within days. Your craving for the underhand and evil therefore sees you fall into the company of gangsters, pimps, drug addicts and Peter Andre.

 

(As I may have said before on another thread) I wish razor blades and bog roll were free...

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you fall into the company of gangsters, pimps, drug addicts and Peter Andre.

 

I thought these wishes were supposed to end up badly?

;)

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And so they do because the gangsters, pimps and Peter Andre all turn out to be members of the local temperance group who are putting on a musical for the benefit of the bearded and incontinent.

 

I wish I knew where Tony Blair had gone on holiday

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Tony, Cherie and the kids turn up on your doorstep. Tired of all the exposure their freebie holidays with super-rich friends has been getting they decide to vacation with someone more obscure, though of course they still don't expect to pay so you'll have to put them up at your own expense. As well as their guards, civil servants etc. etc.

 

(Of course, BrumB, I'm assuming you're not a super-rich internationally well known individual...)

 

I wish dustbinmen were quiet when they collect my rubbish early in the morning (whilst still doing their job properly!).

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