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About Connman96

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    Fencing, golf, badminton and of course reading
  1. [ An original take on an old story - made me smile. I've never heard an old story like that
  2. Hi again I liked the look of your brothers bookshop Looks quite cool What do you mean by a lump of text? Is it how i forgot to introduce myself or how this is the first thing i've written? and Meg sorry about calling you a 'he' I didn't know
  3. Yh pretty good stuff Liked the jokes and sarcastic conversations! Pretty random with the dragon though:P Liked how you were able to clearly state the communication over the radio It doesn't have to be a quick fun one, you could probably continue the story and make it into something unique and special:D I enjoyed reading You may want to have a look at mine (just a suggestion) Its two pages of story which i wrote in about 20-30 mins Hope you like
  4. Not a bad way you tell the story but is this it? Is it the start or the whole story because i could probably write a one line summary of it. I know im the noob but it is pretty short (no offence meant)
  5. Hi just to let you know I would be happy to allow people to leave comments and review my work I dont understand what megustaleer said about casting a critical eye over my work. Does it mean he will review and comment??
  6. Just so you know david (and anyone else ) I have to tell you that this book isn't on sale. I know its not a very good title or i've said something by accident in the text but this is two pages of my own work. I mean yes i want to make it into a book and lengthen it, to make it have a good, structured storyline. My best friend read it then recommended i should try to put the first pages out on the web and see what the reaction was. He reccomended this site and i found it great. I hope you enjoy me writing as i enjoy being a member of this site
  7. Cool thanks. I had been writing this bit for about half an hour and decided that with that stem of the small part of the novel, the story could go anywhere. One of my friends said the storyline had good potential and reccomended i stuck it on here. I will have to thank him because this site is great!
  8. I've introduced myself and apologised for instantly starting with a piece of my own work. I hope you enjoy my work as imaginative writing (i think) is amazing as you can write about anything. Sorry again:(
  9. Hi my name is Connor. I'd like to apologise to everyone as i didn't introduce myself before i put my first post up I hope you can forgive me. I've always loved to write my own stories as i find imaginative writing a very good way to let your imagination go. I enjoy doing fencing, golf and badminton and also enjoy playing video games. I hope I will be welcomed into your great community
  10. The slow whir of computers echoed across the brightly lit cavern. General Warcleave glared down like a hawk onto its prey, on the computer engineers monitoring the heavy amount of radiation that had made our surface completely uninhabitable. I had woken up after an evil but extremely ridiculous nightmare about evil leprechauns offering me glowing liquid which I was told was nuclear waste, inside syringes while all wearing space suits! I was a S.A.S member until scientists in Texas did ‘the greatest experiment of the century’ but ended up spattering swarms of nuclear radiation across the land. Most people in Texas were wiped out instantly but some unfortunate ones got horrific burns. These people were treated like scum and were supposedly inhuman. Strong winds had blown the radiation across the world. Only five years ago did our skilled scientists find a way to scan for radiation and cure it when it was at minimum level and a couple of months ago we connected with another massive group of survivors who were in a large cavern like ours. We have quite a good military operation down here. We are waiting for a breakthrough in mankind when we can finally harness how to control the radiation outside and look out onto our surface again. When I got up from my broken bed I stumbled out the door to a long hall with flickering lights. I regained control of myself and walked to a sign at the end of the hall flashing green and red marked ‘decontamination chamber’. I entered and stood in one of the decontamination pods. A door slammed shut and laser scanner went up and down my body. I heard a robotic voice saying “no radiation detected switching to shower mode” Suddenly freezing cold water came down like bullets onto my pale white skin. “Jesus Christ” I yelled. After what seemed like an hour of slamming the door with my fist and shouting “cold!” The door finally opened with the robotic voice now saying “Hope you enjoyed your pleasantly warm shower, your clothes and weapons have been delivered to your room” “Warm shower my arse” I grunted as I stepped out onto the hall. As usual there was no towel so I covered myself and sprinted down the corridor without anyone seeing me. I shut the door tight and put on my S.A.S equipment like my bullet-proof armoured waistcoat designed to stop a round and some awesome uranium armour which I had been given. It covered my legs, arms, torso, and shoulders and also had a helmet. It also had a gas mask that just looked mysterious and cool to wear. I also picked up my MP5 and slung my AK47 over my back. I also slid a gold desert eagle pistol into a pocket in my armour. I exited the long corridor and walked up the vast amount of metal catwalks to reach the General’s office. I knocked and a few seconds later the general opened. “Get the hell in!” he commanded. This wasn’t unusual as the General was often in a foul mood. He was one of the people you didn’t want to get in his ‘bad books’. He had a nasty scar down his forehead and over his eyelid to continue down towards his mouth. He was the typical ‘no-nonsense’ sort of a guy which sucked for me because I usually had a laugh. He had a massive bulky build and was taller than any man in the cavern. The General slumped himself down in his scavenged, torn, leather chair. He drew a large Cuban cigar from his pocket and lit it. “Well sit down!” barked the General. I sat myself down on the cool office chair. “I love these” I said as I pushed off and spun round. “Stop messing around” he bellowed, slamming his heavy fist crashing down on the wooden desk. It seemed to shudder with fear. I stopped spinning. “Some krill have gotten into our maintenance tunnels in block 282 and our electrician is frightened off them, I want you to go and squish the buggers so she can repair the wires they’ve chewed through”. “She?” I queried. “You heard me right” he said “Coolio, time to squish some bugs” I said as I cocked my MP5 and got up off my chair. “You’re too trigger happy” the general sighed “now get to work” “Sure thing, boss” I said as I exited. “Remember those things can bite real bad and attack in packs” he warned but I’d already closed the door… I stepped slowly down the narrow walkway leading away from the general’s overlooking point. I reached the bottom and walked past the beeping monitors, half of them were turned off due to power failure. Soldiers often patrolled up and down the main hall and corridors. I stepped down into a wide open area. This was the barracks and block 282 was on the other side. Busy soldiers were practicing hand-to-hand combat, melee weapons and shooting. Sergeants were giving talks to nervous beginners and medics in the hospital were practicing first-aid on dummies. The barracks came to an end and I stepped into a large cavern. On the wall, painted in white was the numbers 282 in big, bold. I saw the maintenance tunnels entrance and jogged over. A girl stood at the entrance. She walked over to me. “My name is Helena, let’s make this quick, alright I want to get back to my boyfriend as soon as possible” she said in an annoying, snappy voice. She looked like a bit of a druggy as she had massive bags under her eyes and the yellow smudges on her fingers suggested she was a smoker. She wore a mini skirt which had a massive belt around it carrying her equipment. She also wore a navy blue strapped top. I instantly judged her character, which I was normally quite good at, as slightly dodgy and decided to limit my communication with this strange person. “Eh ok” I said “let’s go”. I grabbed the maintenance tunnel hatch and pulled the handle tight. It was surprisingly lighted in the tunnel I went down first and ‘it’ followed. We had to crouch and proceeded along the lit tunnel. I was sure I could sense skittering feet above my head but I couldn’t be so sure. We crept along the corridor slowly glancing up and down. It became very cold as I could see my breath floating into the mist in front of me. I turned around quickly I was sure I heard a hiss. “Eh, excuse me but what the hell are you looking at” she yelled “I don’t know but it was in a test tube a week ago” I joked. This got her really annoyed and she stood gaping at me. I laughed and turned round, proceeding to move down the shaft. “By the way, where is the break in the circuit” I asked “We are almost there, thank god” she groaned, obviously bored of talking “because you are the most annoying person I’ve ever met” she said as her words quickened. Suddenly the lights started flashing. Helena screamed as we were plunged into darkness. I spoke into my radio, “eh guys what the hell has gone wrong?” Just at that instant something knocked me to the ground and I held my ears as a bloodcurdling scream pierced through the darkness and echoed down the dark, dark shaft…
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