Could you tell me your opinion about it?

[inmaBM]

Hello!

I've written a book called "Join me in blood" and I'm a new author. I'm posting this because I just wanna now what you think about the first chapter of my book. I don't really know how to promote my book. I don't want you to spam, I want you to discuss about this first chapter...

I will post more in this forum because I love literaute and I'm very glad here right now

Thank you very much! It will take you just a few minutes!!

If you wanna now more, just ask me! Or type "Join me in blood" in google!

FIRST CHAPTER


Helsinki


He was running through those alleys, trying to lose them. It was at night, the full moon shone surrounded by an orange halo. Balo was wearing his opaque raincoat that went all the way to his feet; it was stained with blood that oozed from his right side, above his waist. He had his hand on the wound, trying to stop the bleeding. He saw the shadows that were chasing him thanks to the effect that the light of the lamps created. In a corner, he found another alley that took him to another one and there he saw a half-open wooden door. The atmosphere was sunless, but he could see everything in the darkness. Without thinking it, he opened the door, went in and closed it quickly in silence. Inside, he looked through an opening of the door and saw how those shadows went right past to disappear into the narrow streets.

Balo breathed a sight of relief and went in that sombre room, resting against the wall. Inside, there were a table and several wooden chairs. It looked like a kitchen, the dust on the furniture had been there for a long time. He let his tired body fall on the floor and looked at his wound, it looked serious.

'It was close', he thought.

He felt how his body was weakening.

'I just need to rest', he thought.

Through the curtains, the moon shone accompanied by the clouds that were trying to cover it. Balo looked at it, he loved the moon. He rested his head against the wall, his thick hair, that was almost sombre, with some rebellious, sweaty locks of the colour of wet earth, fell down his face, that was of the colour of paper. He had a turned-up nose, a broad forehead, generous lips of the colour of tomato, marked features and his eyes were of the colour of fresh leaves. He was very tall, he overtook 5.9 feet, and very slim. He couldn't keep his eyes open due to exhaustion.

'No!', he thought, 'there are just a couple of hours left to the dawn, I have to look for a shelter'.

He got up with pain, half-closing his eyes, holding on the wall and biting his lower lip with his canines because of the pain. It was hard to walk for him, but he went ahead and crossed a corridor where he saw the stairs leading to another floor and other corridors on the side that led to other rooms. He was walking ahead when he stepped on something empty. He lifted the carpet and found a trapdoor that led to the basement. He opened it.

'Fine!', he thought.

He went down the stairs, shut the trapdoor and looked for a corner on where he could lie down. He covered himself up with his raincoat and closed his eyes.

The time went by and Balo, whose eyes were half-open, was getting his strength back. He saw the sunlight through the openings of the trapdoor. It was far away from his cold body. He was watching how the light moved on the floor, diagonally across the room. In that moment, Balo remembered his childhood. He was a four or five-year-old boy and he was playing in the playground with other children his age in the broad daylight. He remembered how he looked at the sun, closed his eyes and even then he could still see the golden sphere with his eyes closed, engraved in his pupils.

'If only I could see the sun again', Balo thought.

The hours went by and, after the last ray of sunlight, in the twilight, Balo got up. His body was still recovering from the wound, he still felt weak. He knew he needed to eat to recover. He went up the stairs, opened the door and jumped to the first floor. He left the house and started walking in the sombre street.

He rose his head and, as a predator, he scented the air after whatever he could find around there. He smelt a small farm near a forest, away from the streets, and headed towards the house. As a hungry animal, he jumped and ran and, when he arrived there, he unlocked the railings. The animals screamed like they were overcome with an awful fear. He saw a cow at the back, he could smell its blood and listen the sound that the blood made when it move inside the body until it arrived at the heart, that beat with energy and speed, it was like it knew it wouldn't do that again...

Cebalon was driving his motorbike really fast in a deserted road close to the city. His motorbike was a Kawasaki Vulcan VN 1700 with 1700 c.c. twin-cylinder engine. He was wearing a cheerless raincoat of the colour of frogs that went all the way to his feet over a red suede shirt, cheerless suede trousers that matched with coarse boots with golden adornments. His face was the same colour as paper, his hair was tangled in rastas that were the same colour as straw and he put his hair into a ponytail. With his metal blue eyes, he looked at every detail of the city.

'I should hurry up', he thought, 'No-deads will get up at midnight, I have to find him.'

Balo went out of the stable wiping the blood he had on his lips with his hands. His eyes were as red as blood and his canine were sharp. He closed his eyes and his mouth and, when he opened them again, he had already recovered his usual colour. He walked through the streets of the city like a wandering soul. The gelid air was like a cloak accompanied by the mist that enveloped its streets, that would never leave him. The cold did not affect Balo anymore, he was used to its company as if it were a faithful friend. He climbed onto the roof of one of the houses. The moon was covered by a tomato halo, it was more intense than the night before. He took out a parchment and an ink pen of his cheerless cloak. Looking to the north, he could see the remote mountains that were covered by ice, and he started to write:

In this cold night nothing is the same.

The world is empty since your arms are not with me and my heart cannot resist it anymore.

I feel an immense misery and a great pain that does not let me continue.

The pain does not let me come closer to your sepulchre, only my tears are with you.

I so wish to meet you up again, you and me, two souls that escape from this heartless world and that meet again in the death due to the promise of our sacred sacrament of love.

I hope to die to be able to hold you in my arms again or to live hoping that our love never dies.

Balo


When he finished writing, Balo took out a match box, lit one and started to burn the parchment at the back. Flames soon made a hole in the centre that extended to reduce the parchment to ashes that the wind took to the west. There was a strong wind blowing that night and it took the ashes far away very fast, to another side of the city.

Some rests of the parchment came to Yesdeys' face, who felt like a soft hand caressed her face. She felt it like a relief. She was in the cemetery, firm and serious, surrounded by strange people in his grandmother funeral.

She had sometimes thought she would go back to that icy city in northern Europe where she was born, but she never imagined it would be for sad reason. Her parents' job in USA kept her away, she just had vague memories of her childhood, playing with the snow in his grandmother's garden. She remembered her grandmother's soft, white face, her icy, sensitive hands, her fondly look, her grey hair with blond locks that she used to put up in a bun. She had always wondered why her father did not want to see his family, he had always insisted on spending holidays in another place.

She just could remember her grandmother in family events like weddings and baptisms. Yesdeys was of medium height with a normal complexion, but her breast were prominent. Her skin was pale, her eyes were opaque and his ash blond hair was long and straight. She was wearing a long, cheerless cloak.

Her aunts were by her side. The priest had already blessed the coffin that was being introduced in the hole and those present were throwing flowers and some pieces of paper. Then, the coffin was covered with earth until it was buried.

It had been a really sad day for Yesdeys and she was tired because of the long journey to Helsinki. She walked with her aunts to her grandmother's.

Her aunts were tall and slim, their features were Finnish. The only difference between them was Ania's untidy hair, lighter than her sister's, and Arminem's tired face, marked with wrinkles that gave her face more expressiveness and experience. Arminem was around fifty and Ania was seven years younger. Yesdeys was able to see that the older one had a dominant character while the younger one had a rebellious character.

[inmaBM]

'I am sorry about my father, he wasn't able to come, I'm sure that the loss had been very painful for him.'

'I understand, does your father know you are here?

'No, my mother thought that someone had to be here and, given she works as a teacher in the school and she was preparing the final exams, she wasn't able to come with me. My father had to go an important meeting because of his job, he was very affected when my mother talked to him on the phone.'

'I guessed he didn't know, he hasn't come back to Helsinki not even once in twenty years...'

'That's enough! We had said we wouldn't talk about it! Mum wouldn't have liked that. I'm sorry Yesdeys, these are family problems, we don't want you to feel uncomfortable while you are staying here.'

'No, no, you are very nice, I'm very grateful for letting me stay in your house.'

They arrived at grandmother's in twenty minutes. It was an old, two-floor house with a garden and tall railings, full of plants on the walls that did not allow to see the interior. They open the railings and walked to the entrance. The door was made of iron and stone that had embossed drawings on it. Using an old key, they unlocked the door that led to the living room. The floor was made of white tiles that had small opaque squares on the edge. Yesdey's suitcases were on the floor. There was a spiral staircase that led to the upper floor.

'We'll show you your room.'

Immediately after, they all picked up Yesdey's suitcases and put them in a small goods lift that was on the base of the staircase. After pulling the lever, the mechanism that would take the suitcases to the second floor was activated. Then, they went up the stairs, where there was a long corridor that led to several rooms.

'The service is here and your room is this one.'

Yesdeys opened the door of her room, it was big, there was a wooden bed with canopy and a purple bedspread and rails with net curtains. There were a wardrobe with two mirrors, one in each door of the wardrobe, a table with a quilted chair and a window with cheerless curtains. She switched the light of a simple lamp that was on the ceiling.

'You are very nice, this room is very friendly.'

'You are welcome, darling. If you excuse us, we are going to bed, I supposed that you will be exhausted after your long journey.'

'Thank you very much.'

'Before we go, darling, we don't know if you should take your flight soon, but we would appreciate it if you stayed with us to read the will. It will be soon, when the notary come back from a trip in a couple of days. I'm sure that your grandmother would have wanted your father to be here, but I'm sure she will be pleased with your presence.'

'You meant she “would be pleased”.'

'Of course, darling. It must be that I'm exhausted and I don't even know what I'm saying. Sweet dreams'.

Suddenly, Arminem showed a big smile.

Both of them left the room and let Yesdeys alone. She sat on her bed, opened her bag, take her mobile phone and phoned her mother. She talked for half an hour about the details of the ceremony, how friendly the house was, how nice were her aunts, how little family and how many friends of her grandmother went to the funeral.

'Grandmother must have been very friendly, the cemetery was full of people. '

Yesdeys asked for her father, she asked how he was and how he took the news that she had gone to the funeral.

'The truth is that I haven't told him yet, he was affected enough with his mother's death and I hope his meeting went well. Moreover, you know that dad is a little bit strange with his family, you know him, he is very superstitious and he is always with his obsessions and his silly things. We will tell him when you get back. Have you found a flight for tomorrow?'

'No, mum, the truth is that I wanted to talk to you about something about this. My aunts have told me that the notary will come to read my grandmother's will in a couple of days and they will love that I would be there since dad won't be able to. What do you think? I thought that I could take the most of it, tour around the city and visit it.'

'You shouldn't forget your final exams, they are in a month and a half, aren't they?'

'Yes, it will be only a couple of days, when I come back I'll start with them.'

Yesdeys asked for her younger brother Killian and her another grandmother who lived there, near to her parent's. All her family from her mother was American. After telling her mother the last details of the family event, they said goodbye, agreeing that Yesdeys would phone everyday to make her mother happy.

Cebalon was getting closer to the city entrance, the road was deserted. There, two mysterious individuals, that were one in each side of the road, made signs to each other and took their own motorbikes, following Cebalon. He saw it on the rear-view mirrors, he accelerated with speed and decided to go through one alley, then went down to a stone staircase with his motorbike. His pursuers decided to split, one went through the alley and another one to another street that went ahead to the end of the staircase. He was locked up by the two motorbikes that were going around Cebalon. When he realised he couldn't escape, he took out a thick, sharp sword of his back with his right hand. The sword had strange symbols on it.

'What do you want?!!'

On of them, on his motorbike, got closer to him, it was difficult to see his face, that was covered by his thick, dark hair and his opaque eyes.

'We don't want blood-suckers in the city, our city.'

'Your city? And who are you?'

In that moment, the individual stretched his head, her eye becoming totally opaque, his fingernails started to change into claws. The one who went with him did the same.

'I found it strange that your blood wasn't too mouthwatering.'

Immediately after, Cebalon stretched himself to let his vampire anger grow. His body became more tense, his nails became sharper and there was blood in his eyes. He showed them his canine with a roar. Cebalon and the individual were challenging each other with their looks. The two beast left their motorbikes and leaped on each other, taking swipes at each other and roaring. Cebalon were thrown against the wall because the individual hit him. When he fell, the individual throw himself upon him. At the moment that Cebalon was going to bit him, the other one, who had a strong constitution and his hair was shaven, leapt on him. Surprisingly, some sharp nails buried themselves on his skin and grabbed the shaven-headed by his shoulder, separating them from his partner and throwing him away. Balo picked up Cebalon from the floor and grabbed the individual left by his neck until it was standing, putting pressure on him. The individual fight to release himself from Balo's claws. Balo looked at him, coldly.

'Why have you attacked him?'

'We don't want vampires in our city!'

'Who do you think you are to decide who should and who shouldn't be in the city?'

'I just serve my Lord!'

'Very good. And who do you serve? Are you deaf? Who is your Lord?'

He pressed more his neck, the individual denied to talk and Balo broke his neck.
He headed to the other one, that was on the floor, grabbed his hefty body by his injured shoulder and said furiously:

'Look at your partner!! Do you want to die like him? Talk!'

'My Lord is the obscure'

Immediately afterwards, he took out a dagger from his suit and he drove it into his chest. Two minutes later, the two bodies wrapped themselves in fire, becoming ashes that the wind blew away.

'But what was this?'

'I don't know, but really strange things are happening in this city. What are you doing in Helsinki? Have you got bored of the mansion?'

'No, Lord Dyron sent me to look for you, things are not going very well in the mansion.'

'Lord Dyron knows I don't like Politics, I couldn't care less about these stories.'

'No, Lord Dyron knew you would say so. It's about warlocks, he will tell you in detail, you must come with me.'

'Must I come back to the mansion? The warlocks again? But hadn't we eliminated them several decades ago?'

'It's necessary that you come back, everything is more complicated than what it looks like.'

'This might explain what happened earlier.'

Both of them got on the motorbike and drove really fast to the outskirts of Helsinki.

Yesdeys walked barefoot in the wet forest, seeing how the sun rose through the wet, green leaves and the very tall, slim trees.

She walked and walked while his feet were getting soaked with the gelid, wet ground covered by leaves. She was moving the branches away. She was wearing a drawn-out nightdress to her feet. In that moment, a draught passed by Yesdeys' face, the fresh air gave off a pleasant, familiar smell. She turned around and saw a woman with golden hair, his hair up in a bun. She smiled, it was her grandmother.

She was wearing pale blue. Her hands were together, she put them up, opened them in front of Yesdeys and a flash emerge from them, expanding until Yesdeys had to close his eyes because of the impact. When she opened them, she was not in the forest, she was at her aunt's. Her grandmother was wearing black and lying sideways on the floor, with her mouth half-open, his eyes wide-open, her pupils dilated, her arms outstretched and a blood trickle flowed from his mouth. My God! Grandmother was injured! Or maybe dead! The figure of an opaque body was next to her grandmother with her back to Yesdeys.

Yesdeys' heart skipped a beat and his trunk jumped on her bed. It had been a dream, but it gave her a real fright, it seemed so real: the gelid air from the forest getting her soaked to the skin, the flash. But what did all these things mean? Small shafts of light went through the wooden window, the light came in through the curtains.

'It's daytime, I have to get up', she thought.

When she touched the sheets, she noticed that her hands slipped.

'How weird', she thought.

She looked at them and saw they were wet and had tiny pieces of green leaves. Yesdeys looked at them, confused.

'I don't understand anything!', she thought, 'Am I a sleepwalker now?'

Without understanding anything and very surprised, she got up and headed to the toilet. On her way, she heard some women's voices from the first floor. They were her aunts and a third woman.

'Don't worry about anything, darling, we will take care of everything, you should relax.'

'Thank you very much, I felt so lost without Tarja, she helped so much... I'm sorry about bothering you in such a hard moment for you.'

'You don't bother us, we all miss her, but we have to carry on with our lives, she would like us to continue her work, we can't leave all the people who believed in her in the lurch. You have done it well to come to us, everybody should know we will finish her work.'

'I had a bad time, my husband left me again. Since Tarja died, I went back to my sad past, I want everything to change, I want everything to be what it used to be.'

'Tarja was the best, she knew how he would be attracted to you. Now she's not here, I will continue her legacy, he will go back to you before the third moon.'

She took a medallion that she had hanging from her neck and kissed it.

'You have my word, Ana. Come with us, we should prepare it quietly, a good buy in the slum quarters will help us to have it perfect.'

Then, all of them left the house. Yesdeys did not understand anything.

'What did she mean when she said this thing about the third moon? Which is grandmother's legacy?', she thought.

After going to the toilet and stretching a little bit, she decided to go to the the kitchen to eat cereals and fresh milk for breakfast. She went upstairs, got dressed and, when she went downstairs, she saw a room with some sofas and a bookcase.

'It's nice, I love books.'

She looked at the bookcase, all the books had old, hard covers, they looked impeccable. One of them interested her and she took it. The title was: “The awakening of the death”.

'The title is curious', she thought, 'Will it be a horror book? Something about zombies?

She laughed and opened it. It was handwritten with ink.

'They look like recipes', she thought.

It was about a way to follow and the names of the already awaken, something very strange. She was going to turn the page and BANG!!. The book was taken from her hand and closed. It was Arminem; in front of Yesdeys, she was staring at her eyes. She had taken the book from her hands and had closed it. Yesdeys swallowed hard.

'Aunt Arminem, I thought I was alone at home.'

'Do you like reading, darling? There are some very interesting books in the library and in the bookshops in Helsinki.'

Arminem's look was incisive.

'I thought....'

'Don't think, then! These books are a family treasure, your grandmother Tarja inherited them from her grandmother, and her grandmother from her grandmother. The less they are touched, the more they will survive in his original state, they are very valuable relics.'

'I understand. I'm sorry, aunt Arminem.'

Arminem stopped to look at her long and hard and left the book in the same place where it was before.

'It will be best if I go for a tour in the city, there are some places I want to visit.'

'I think it's a good idea, don't forget to visit the cathedral, it's wonderful.'

'I'll take it into account, thank you.'

Yesdeys left the room and went upstairs to her room.

After shutting the door, she rested her back on it and sighed with relief. She felt like a foreigner in that house: her aunts seemed nice, but cold and distant at the same time, the strange dream she had, the visit of that woman...

'Too much information to assimilate all of a sudden', she thought, 'I should go for a tour in the city and I will be able to clear my crazy thoughts.'

She pull back the curtains, opened the windows and its shutter. Looking at the wet ground, the gelid draught came in the room. She shut the door, took a cheerless anorak that went all the way to her feet out of the wardrobe, she grabbed her gloves, her wool cap and her bag and left the house quickly. She walked carefully because she did not want to slip down the wet ground, without looking back...

In the outskirts of Helsinki, below a cloudy sky accompanied by the mist, and hidden in a forest behind the tall branches of the trees, a mansion like a castle was found. It was mysterious and poor-lighted, the light it had came from candelabras hanging on the walls. A railing covered by brambles and branches of the tress protected it from the outside. There, inside, Balo and Cebalon were waiting in the lounge for the arrival of Lord Dyron. The lounge was decorated with ostentatious chairs. It was also surrounded by individual, white candles and candelabras. The vampires in the lounge were wearing long and old clothes.

Three female vampires could not stop talking and looking at Balo lustfully. Cebalon and Balo were standing in the middle of the lounge, holding the glasses that were full of blood.

'Some day you will tell me how you do it...'

'What do you mean?'

'These three beautiful women won't take their eyes off you. Do you see the one on the left? I tried to ask her her name long ago and she didn't even look back at me.'

'I'm not interested in having an affair, I am a lonely vampire. Don't pay attention to them and she will go after you.'

Going down the stairs, there was a figure of medium height with thick, very long, dun hair. He had his hair parted in the middle. He was wearing a blood colour cassock, with layers, and an opaque suit. It was Lord Dyron.

His face was young, but mature. He was shaven, but he had wispy beard. His features were well marked, her nose was not very big and his eyes were the same colour as rust and very expressive. His lips were large, he had an earring on his lower lip that went inside his mouth. On his hands, he was wearing golden and silver rings that brought out.

'Balo, I knew you wouldn't disappoint me. Do you like this blood? It's pure, I have chosen it to celebrate you are back.'

Lord Dyron's voice was soft and velvet, almost hypnotic. He observed proudly Balo's glass.

'I thought the no-drinking human blood agreement was respected.'

'If you knew who have handed us this succulent delicacy on a platter, the humans... They are the most despicable thing that exists. Come with me, we can go to a more private place, we have issues to discuss.'

The two vampires moved to a private room, isolated, leaving Cebalon alone in the lounge.

[nonsuch]

I'm not a regular reader of horror fiction, but I found the strangeness of the setting and characters quite intriguing. I was first rather put off by the continual use of 'was' or 'thought,' verbs that seemed colourless and mostly unnecessary.