Secret BGO Club - members only

[Adrian]

Hi!

I'm the founder and only member so far. Ask to join and I may let you in.

When you figure out my rules you take over the clubhouse and set your own joining rules.

[Radders]

Hello Adrian,
I would like to join the club - once you can tell me what I have to do to do so please let me know :)

[Adrian]

Radders, you're in! Help yourself to tea and scones and settle in. Don't worry about the baying crowds outside, I have a very precise policy on who to let in and who to decline.

Current members
Adrian
Radders

Rejected
none - yet

[brightphoebus]

I would love to be a member. Do I qualify?

[Radders]

Splendid, thank you Adrian. I feel quite humbled to be the second member of such a prestigious club :)

[David]

Well, whilst I've never been a fan of secret societies, with your own estimable self at the helm, Adrian, how could I resist? I do so hope I'm not black-balled...

[Jen]

I'd hate to be left out of such an illustrious club, but I fear rejection.... What to do...?


Adrian, please may I join your club?

[Adrian]

I would love to be a member. Do I qualify?

brightphoebus, I'm afraid I can't let you join. Take heart that you are helping others decide whether they should apply.
Well, whilst I've never been a fan of secret societies, with your own estimable self at the helm, Adrian, how could I resist? I do so hope I'm not black-balled...

Another invite I could never refuse. The Wii is over there and there's a pot brewing.

Welcome. Please wipe your feet as they clubhouse has just been redecorated.

Adrian, please may I join your club?

Kind of you to want to join us, but I said it is exclusive and I doubt more than 50% of those applying will get in. You are welcome to reapply later when you may stand a better chance.

Current members
Adrian
Radders
David

Rejected
brightphoebus
Jen

[MisterHobgoblin]

I guess now might not be a propitious moment to seek membership.

[MisterHobgoblin]

Would this be a better moment?

[Lady Lazarus]

Is this one of those men-only clubs? I see those rejected so far have all been female...

[Flingo]

Is this one of those men-only clubs? I see those rejected so far have all been female...
Can't be that - because I thought Radders was a girlie?

So bearing in mind that gender isn't an issue, I'll ask Adrian very nicely if I may please join his exclusive club? Thanking you kindly in anticipation.

[Adrian]

I guess now might not be a propitious moment to seek membership.
Sadly, I have to say that you have not been successful in your applications. I can see why you applied twice, and if my rule was slightly different you would have been accepted.

But welcome in, Lady Lazarus. Decisions are certainly not made on the basis of gender. My policy is discriminatory but perfectly logical. Which is why I must deny Flingo membership. I do feel bad about this but I have to abide by the club's rule.

Current members
Adrian
Radders
David
Lady Lazarus

Rejected
brightphoebus
Jen
MisterHobgoblin
Flingo

[brightphoebus]

brightphoebus, I'm afraid I can't let you join. Take heart that you are helping others decide whether they should apply.

:cry:

Psst, Jen, want to meet me behind the bike sheds? We could start a society of our own...

[MisterHobgoblin]

:cry:

Psst, Jen, want to meet me behind the bike sheds? We could start a society of our own...
I suspect that one qualifies you for membership

[MisterHobgoblin]

And this one might qualify me

[Adrian]

And this one might qualify me
Yes, it does! I suspect you've worked out my rule...

Current members
Adrian
Radders
David
Lady Lazarus
MisterHobgoblin (reapplied)

Rejected
brightphoebus
Jen
MisterHobgoblin(*)
Flingo

[Jen]

:cry:

Psst, Jen, want to meet me behind the bike sheds? We could start a society of our own...
Well, there's an offer... I'll PM you and we can sort something out. ;)

So, never being a great one for breaking codes, I've failed to find a key based on post number, letters in name or initials so I'm going to apply again. Pretty please?

[MisterHobgoblin]

If my theory is correct, it's still a no Jen, but I have just become a member extraordinaire.

[Adrian]

If my theory is correct, it's still a no Jen, but I have just become a member extraordinaire.
That is another no for Jen, and I reckon all the confirmation MisterHobgoblin needs for his theory.

I think I might be handing over the keys pretty soon.

[David]

If my theory is correct, it's still a no Jen...
I'd say it's time to post your theory, Mr HG, and see if the clubhouse is yours for the taking!

[Flingo]

And if I am understanding Mr HGs possible theory, I might be in now? Please?!

[MisterHobgoblin]

At the risk of banning myself just at the final moment, my theory is that Adrian's posts don't count, but the others alternate between qualification and non-qualification.

[Adrian]

And if I am understanding Mr HGs possible theory, I might be in now? Please?!
You're in, but now the club has been disbanded!

Yes, I was simply alternating between accepting and rejecting each applicant.

There now follows the ceremonial handing over of the club to MisterHobgoblin.

[MisterHobgoblin]

(OK - thanks Adrian. I'm obviously in but everyone else is now out. Application requests welcome.)

In my club, you can drink bitter but not lager.

[Adrian]

I drink Wickd and blackcurrant. Am I in?

[MisterHobgoblin]

You're in Adrian.

Now when it comes to hot drinks, we drink lots of coffee, but we don't drink tea.

[David]

I'm drinking lager as we speak! (Well, I did put it down to type this, I suppose) Anyway, the HG club sounds very tempting so I've filled out the paperwork and would like to apply. Am I in?

[MisterHobgoblin]

It would help if you tell me some of the things you like doing and, perhaps, don't like doing.

I enjoy crosswords but I don't like su-doku.

[Calliope]

I like to crochet but I'm not so keen on knitting.

[MisterHobgoblin]

Sorry Kimberley, but you definitely wouldn't fit in.

We use wool, but we never use thread

[David]

It would help if you tell me some of the things you like doing and, perhaps, don't like doing.
Mmmmm, I was typing my entry as you posted your response to Adrian and saw afterwards that I hadn't picked up the clues in your original rules.

So, I enjoy walking but not jogging.

[Calliope]

Damn it, I had to pretend to crochet (that's the thing you do with a hook, right?) and I still didn't get in? That's some serious humiliation.

[MisterHobgoblin]

Sorry David - we do jogging but not walking. And Kimberley, we sometimes use hooks.

[Calliope]

Sometimes hooks but not lines?

[MisterHobgoblin]

OK, you're in Kimberley.

But only if you promise to use maggots and not flies.

[Calliope]

Arrows but not bows?

(Although that might present something of a challenge, I think I have it, and should have started with knitting.)

[MisterHobgoblin]

Bullets but not guns

[MisterHobgoblin]

Clearly Kimberley, this is now your club.

[Calliope]

Hobbies with doubble letters only?

[MisterHobgoblin]

genau so

as I said - it is your club now

[Calliope]

Thankyou. My club will welcome all who don't break one elementary rule.

[Adrian]

I'm confused as to how I got in :dunno:

[Calliope]

You're not in my club, Adrian.

[MisterHobgoblin]

I'm confused as to how I got in :dunno:
Coz there's a double r in blackcurrant and I took Wickd and blackcurrant as a single entity (although in real life my club is the Scotch Malt Whisky Society and you may be disappointed if you ever asked for Wickd and blackcurrant at its bar)

[Calliope]

MrHG you are hereby rejected too.

[MisterHobgoblin]

Even if I beg very very nicely

:wavey: :flowers: :love:

[Calliope]

you're in with that one.

But behave! I'm a little worried about the centre emoticon, though only with the word near it.

EDIT: eeek I broke my own rule, but have corrected the error now.

[Momo]

This hasn't been on for more than a month. Any chance to join?

[nonsuch]

I'd like to apply, but I doubt if I'm club material. I was once thrown out of the Gaza Strip.

[Calliope]

I'm afraid to have to tell you both that you cannot join. You have broken my only rule.

If you would like to make another enquiry, worded differently, feel free.

(Hint: I don't welcome every letter.)

[nonsuch]

Permission to re-apply - Sir!

[Calliope]

Even more completely rejected than before!

[MisterHobgoblin]

Am I really the only member (apart from you, Kimberley)? People will talk...

[Calliope]

Well, how about a clue: people are welcome to talk but goxxiping would have them thrown out ;)

[nonsuch]

No gossip, OK. How about anecdotes. Or jokes - tongue-and groove variety?

[megustaleer]

If my name don't count agin me, may I join?

[Calliope]

Although an anecdote would be okay, Non, you have broken the rule and cannot join.

Meg, you are in :)

[MisterHobgoblin]

Kimberley - you ought to be careful about what you read - you might get thrown out of your own club!

[Calliope]

Can't imagine what you mean ;)

But once rule revealed, club owner changed. I think?

[MisterHobgoblin]

I haven't a clue what the rule might be.

[Calliope]

Oh, I don't believe that to be true. However, maybe Meg can explain.

[Grammath]

I think I know. Can I be in the gang now?

[Calliope]

Great! We have another member.

[Radders]

And will you let me in too?

[Calliope]

I think I will although concern may occur regarding your name.

[MisterHobgoblin]

It seems to me, in essence, that simply anyone is being admitted to our erstwhile select group. Two's company, three's a crowd - and so many members as we now have must sound the death knell. I resign my membership.

[Calliope]

Simply stated, someone else must suggest something similar. This society, its existance substantially outstretched, has lost its establisher's interest.

Hints: rules breaks.

[MisterHobgoblin]

Bravissimo!

This subscriber envies Kimberley's stupendous sibilant talents.

[nonsuch]

Permission to re-re-apply - Sir/Madam!

[MisterHobgoblin]

Enough already - the club can be joined only by an applicant who can apply without typing the letter between a and d on a qwerty keyboard. My club, I think?

[David]

My club, I think?
Oh yeth, I definitely think tho.

[MisterHobgoblin]

But I have to wait for Kimberley to confirm that before I can formally take over the club and introduce my own eligibility rule

[Calliope]

It's yours!

(Phew)

[MisterHobgoblin]

OK - my club and new rules.

It's really simple: you have to offer me gifts. Put another way - give me a bribe. If I like what's on offer, I'll let you in - otherwise, you'll just have to keep trying.

[lucyb]

Gold, frankinsense and myrrh? Not that I'd want you to get a swollen head Mr HG, sir [curtsey]

[MisterHobgoblin]

I only need a single item - three would be greedy - which one are you offering lucyb?

[lucyb]

I'll go for Gold - the only one I know I can spell right! And it reminds me of Henry Kelly :p

[MisterHobgoblin]

Sorry Lucy - I don't want gold. Time passes to you and continues now...

[Flingo]

I offer chocolate, Mister HG. It's never failed me before...

[MisterHobgoblin]

Flingo - I'm afraid chocolate has just failed you for the first time. Sorry.

[Flingo]

Flingo - I'm afraid chocolate has just failed you for the first time. Sorry.I shouldn't be surprised, I don't think I've made it into any of these BGO clubs yet!

[lucyb]

Myrrh?

[megustaleer]

Time passes to you and continues now...This reads like a clue, but I can't fathom it. If you were retiring I'd offer you a clock. :thinking:

[MisterHobgoblin]

Myrrh?

OK Lucy; you're in

[MisterHobgoblin]

This reads like a clue, but I can't fathom it. If you were retiring I'd offer you a clock. :thinking:
You can join thanks to the clock, but the other reference was just to Going For Gold, a very bad TV quiz show from the early 1990s in which Welsh housewives were able to outshine senior German diplomats.

[lucyb]

Can I have a badge?

[MisterHobgoblin]

Only if you give it to Flingo - she might find it smoothes her application to join my club.

[Flingo]

Ok, Mr HG - I offer you a badge!!! (It says "Love Libraries" on it - does that negate it again?!)

[MisterHobgoblin]

Flingo - the badge has let you into my club. What it says is incidental, although I hope it will get me a replacement library card free of charge tomorrow because I can't find my card after my holiday.

[Calliope]

I come offering a fishing rod.

[MisterHobgoblin]

I come offering a fishing rod.
Nope

[Adrian]

I humbly proffer Kimberley's fishing rod. Nothing of my own!

[MisterHobgoblin]

I humbly proffer Kimberley's fishing rod. Nothing of my own!
No - I've already turned it down once.

[Hazel]

Gold, Frankencense and Myrrh?

[MisterHobgoblin]

I refer the Honorable Member to the reply I gave some moments ago...

[David]

Well, even though we're in ABB I'm going to offer you some books, Mr HG.

[Calliope]

I refer the Honorable Member to the reply I gave some moments ago... :confused: Does this mean Hazel is now a member?

[MisterHobgoblin]

David is in - I like books - but Hazel is still out. I don't need three gifts and it would be a bit dull to just copy the myrrh.

[David]

David is in
Excellent! Of course you did say you didn't want more than one gift at a time, but I had a hunch you would prefer more than one book...

[MisterHobgoblin]

Excellent! Of course you did say you didn't want more than one gift at a time, but I had a hunch you would prefer more than one book...
And how right you were!

[Calliope]

Whiskey. You can't turn that down.

[MisterHobgoblin]

'Fraid not - and neither would I accept whisky ;)

[Calliope]

Wine?

[MisterHobgoblin]

Wine?
No

[jfp]

The story so far:

Not accepted:
gold
chocolate
a fishing rod
Kimberley's fishing rod
whiskey
whisky
wine

Accepted:
myrrh
a clock
a badge
(some) books


I hate you all for distracting me from my tons of marking... However, I'm going to offer:

a cashmere scarf

[MisterHobgoblin]

if only it weren't cashmere...

[jfp]

Pfff, some people have no taste... ;)

OK, take your pick amongst:

a silk scarf
an acrylic scarf
a mohair scarf

and while we're at it... :

a cashmere sweater

[MisterHobgoblin]

None of the above

[jfp]

a grand piano?

[MisterHobgoblin]

a grand piano?
I'm really not sure. I'll let you in with a piano for sure, though.

[jfp]

Ooh goodee!!!

Now I'll endeavour to work out why the grandeur of said piano was a cause of uncertainty...

[Adrian]

I don't have a clue what gift to proffer, so I'll blindly go through this drawer here and hold out a...comb!

[MisterHobgoblin]

I don't have a clue what gift to proffer, so I'll blindly go through this drawer here and hold out a...comb!
No thanks

[megustaleer]

Ooh goodee!!!

Now I'll endeavour to work out why the grandeur of said piano was a cause of uncertainty...I have yet to figure out why a clock was acceptable -especially as I had only suggested it as a suitable gift for a specific occasion, and not actually made an offer!

Now, will Mr HG throw me out?

[David]

Well, perhaps I'll make a bid for the club by suggesting that if Adrian had simply been a bit more generous and offered Mr HG some combs he would have got in. Equally, jfp would have avoided the humiliation of being black-balled by opting for the simple life and giving Mr HG a scarf. Would I be right?

[MisterHobgoblin]

You are quite right David - do you want to reveal the rule?

[Calliope]

I'm offering a chair.

[David]

Well I reckon you're throwing a party of five - letters that is. Any gift that is named with five letters is acceptable.

[MisterHobgoblin]

Kimberley - you just crept in under the wire. David - you are right and the club is yours.

[David]

Thanks for keeping the clubhouse so tidy, Mr HG. At least Kim brought a chair so I've got something to sit on while I wait for new members - if only you hadn't been fussy about that whisky...

Okay, well I think I'm going to set up a film club and you can join if you bring me a DVD of a film I like.

Of course, I'm a bit picky about what I like...

[MisterHobgoblin]

Viva Knievel?

[David]

No, I wouldn't be very interested in that, Mr HG.

[Calliope]

At least Kim brought a chair so I've got something to sit on ..Glad you appreciate it :) Casting about for five-lettered things, it was either that, or a table. Sorry your TV has to rest on the ground.

How about 'Little Miss Sunshine'?

[David]

How about 'Little Miss Sunshine'?
No, I wouldn't enjoy that, Kim.

[lipstick_librarian]

'Atonement' has got to get me in, surely!

[David]

'Atonement' has got to get me in, surely!
Oh it pains me to say it, LL, but not even the delights of Keira would persuade me to accept it.

...although other films she's been in would.

[whatnot]

2001: A Space Odyssey.

[Calliope]

Pirates of the Caribbean?

[David]

2001: A Space Odyssey.
Yes, that film gets you membership.

[David]

Pirates of the Caribbean?
You're also in with that one, Kim.

[Calliope]

Great! I might just sit on the clubhouse's only chair and stare at this for a while...

http://www.smh.com.au/ffximage/2006/07/14/depp15707_narrowweb__300x482,0.jpg

[David]

Clubhouse posters are indeed allowed, so you can stick Johnny up (though pride of place will be going to another cast member). However, as club chairman I'm afraid I bagsy the only chair... ;)

[MisterHobgoblin]

Carry On Again Doctor?

[David]

Carry On Again Doctor?
Carry on inside, Mr HG! That's a very welcome film indeed.

[megustaleer]

Bend it Like Beckham?

[MisterHobgoblin]

I know 'm already in, but can we watch M*A*S*H?

[Hazel]

The Last King Of Scotland?

(Yummmmm-eeeeeeee, Kimberley, thanks for that!)

[Calliope]

Are you sure there's a 'The' in that film title, Hazel?

[Grammath]

I'd prefer to watch "Star Wars" myself. Fancy it, David?

[MisterHobgoblin]

Are you sure there's a 'The' in that film title, Hazel?
I've checked on Amazon and there is.

[MisterHobgoblin]

I'd prefer to watch "Star Wars" myself. Fancy it, David?
I'd prefer The Empire Strikes Back or Return of the Jedi

[Calliope]

I've checked on Amazon and there is.That's probably a shame.

[David]

Okay then:

Bend It Like Beckham - it pains me once more but I must turn away another Keira film. *Sob*

No, Mr HG, you can't watch M*A*S*H.

The Last King of Scotland whilst tipping a nod to your homeland will not get you into the club, Hazel.

Star Wars will naturally get you in, Grammath. Welcome!

Whilst I'm happy for those already in the club to give me still more films (I'm not an idiot, after all...) I don't think I can allow two offers in one go, Mr HG. Choose your alternative to Star Wars.

[lucyb]

It pains me to offer this film but....

Pride and Prejudice

mumble mumble...not allowing the actors to read the book...moan, whinge...

[Calliope]

If Bend it Like Beckham is out then so is my idea of the rule. Happy to be in, though, even if I do have to sit on the floor.

[David]

Pride and Prejudice doesn't get you past the club doors, Lucyb (shame - I had a tape of the Pearl and Dean music ready to play for the next member...).

Take heart, Kim - we're getting so many DVDs now you can probably build yourself a little chair out of them before long! ;)

Sorry your rule didn't work out! Are you going to share it in the cause of focusing thoughts? I can often be tempted into dishing out clues in such circumstances!

[Calliope]

Sorry your rule didn't work out! Are you going to share it in the cause of focusing thoughts? I can often be tempted into dishing out clues in such circumstances! Well, for a while you seemed to be enjoying films with 4-word titles.

[David]

Well, for a while you seemed to be enjoying films with 4-word titles.
Fair enough! To honour my promise of a clue the link is to do with the films, not the words in the titles.

[megustaleer]

The Stepford Wives?

[David]

The Stepford Wives?
Hmmmm, that's a trickier one, actually. I'm going to say no and having just given a clue I'm not going to say why yet - it's involved an on-the-spot decision that you could argue is a bit arbitrary. All I'll say is that this is a purist film club! ;)

(Nothing to do with remakes, BTW!)

[megustaleer]

having just given a clue You don't think that was of any help to me, do you? I'm a total know-nothing when it comes to the cinema!

Would The Secret of NIMH be acceptable?

[David]

Would The Secret of NIMH be acceptable?
Oh boy, you really are picking them today, meg!

For the same reason as before I can't accept that.

However, I'll note that book adaptations have nothing to do with it.

[megustaleer]

However, I'll note that book adaptations have nothing to do with it.Strangely enough, I never thought they did. :p

One last try, and then I'm off to bed - Brazil?

[David]

Strangely enough, I never thought they did. :p
:D

Fair enough! I'm quite a fan of Mrs Frisby and the Rats of NIMH - it was a great book to teach - so I wondered if that could be what you were considering!

One last try, and then I'm off to bed - Brazil?
*Sucks breath in through teeth and winces*

'Fraid not!

Straight rejection this time. (But non-Keira groans here - that's one of my favourite films!)

[David]

So far, then, my club's DVD collection boasts:

2001: A Space Odyssey
Pirates of the Caribbean
Carry On Again Doctor
Star Wars

But I had no interest in:

Viva Knievel
Little Miss Sunshine
Atonement
Bend It Like Beckham
M*A*S*H
The Last King of Scotland
Pride and Prejudice
The Stepford Wives
The Secret of NIMH
Brazil

This being a film club my rule is to do with the films, not some wordy/numerical thing.

[Grammath]

I know I'm already in and propping up a wall of the clubhouse, but I suspect you'd like an Indiana Jones film, David. Do you need me to specify which one, or will any do?

[lipstick_librarian]

How about 'Back to the Future'?

[megustaleer]

OK, new day, new application!
E.T.?

[whatnot]

Ah, I think Grammath has got it! And that megustaleer will still not be in! :(

If I'm right megustaleer you might do better with another Steven Spielberg film like maybe Jurassic Park or Jaws?

[megustaleer]

Ah, I think Grammath has got it! And that megustaleer will still not be in! :(

If I'm right megustaleer you might do better with another Steven Spielberg film like maybe Jurassic Park or Jaws?Why?

[David]

Do you need me to specify which one, or will any do?
Well, as I noted to Mr HG earlier I really shouldn't accept multiple submissions, so I'll assume you want to give me Raiders of the Lost Ark, which is very welcome and has been popped on the clubhouse shelf. This now elevates you to the inner circle of membership and you can use the chair for fifteen minutes every Thursday.

Back to the Future is also welcome, LL, so you're in.

I'm afraid E.T. doesn't gain you entry, meg, but whatnot has kindly donated Jaws on your behalf, so considering your enthusiasm to join my club I'll give you honourary membership! ;)

Anyway, I'm awash with lovely DVDs now so anyone who fancies telling me my rule will be very welcome to the clubhouse!

[Hazel]

First movie of trilogies or series of films?

[David]

First movie of trilogies or series of films?
Well it would have been nice if you'd offered me a film as well, just as you're taking my club away from me! ;)

Yes, that's pretty much it, Hazel. Except it didn't have to be the first (as with Carry On Again Doctor). Any movie that has or is a sequel or that's part of a series of films.

Now meg's answers provided a little problem in that The Stepford Wives and The Secret of NIMH had TV movie sequels, but I decided to keep it cinematic, not least because it would probably have confused people trying to guess the rule since the TV movies aren't exactly well known.

So, I'll leave you the chair but I'm afraid the DVDs come with me...

[megustaleer]

I'm afraid E.T. doesn't gain you entry, meg, but whatnot has kindly donated Jaws on your behalf, so considering your enthusiasm to join my club I'll give you honourary membership! ;) Oh, goody!
I'll give (most) of the DVDs a miss, and sit drooling in front of Kimberley's poster ;)
:p
:
:


ETA: Oh, boo! I expect Kimberly will take that away with her now that Hazel is in charge :(

[Calliope]

Oh no, Johnny can stay. Unless Hazel has an objection (which I doubt).

Hazel, a bit of a queue is forming out here. Isn't it time you started acepting applications? :)

[Hazel]

Hazel, a bit of a queue is forming out here. Isn't it time you started acepting applications? :)Sorry folks - a bit of house-keeping to attend to, David left the house in such a mess. Men. Anyway, all are welcome, just watch who you choose to escort you to my house-warming...

[David]

Well obviously I'm going to bring Keira Knightley.

(I take it that's what we have to do - choose someone to bring?)

[Hazel]

It'll come as no surprise to you that you are both firmly kicked out.

[Adrian]

As founder member of this club I thought just showing up by myself would grant me entry. Now it seems like I need an entourage just to get to the door. It's all changed since when I was a lad.

Please be upstanding for me and my guest, Lady Thatcher.

[Hazel]

Please be upstanding for me and my guest, Lady Thatcher.:D Quite frankly, nothing would give me greater pleasure than to show Lady Thatch the under sole of my boot. No thank you, ma'am.

[David]

Well in that case I shall bring someone of the other political colour, and sex, and a fellow Scot!

Surely you won't turn down me old mucka, Gordy Brown?

[Hazel]

Technically, he should get a tiny toe in the door, but it's not enough, no.

[Calliope]

Sorry if he's a bit whiffy, but I've brought my old pal Will Shakespeare.

[Adrian]

What kind of a club is this?! Actually it seems that Baroness Thatcher took one look at your club and decided she really didn't like the look of it, or you! "That'll show that her," I believe she said.

But my PA made some calls and it turns out that Kirsty Young just finished taping a segment for the BBC on how private clubs are going downhill these days, and I think she'd be great at helping you do girly stuff like matching curtains and getting the right coloured dish cloths.

[Hazel]

Adrian, you and your floozy can just turnabout and leave.

Kim...and Will...make yourself at home. There's some mead by the bar.

[Adrian]

I blame my PA. Never been any use that one. I asked her to take something down and she thought I meant dictation!

As I was walking away from my club I met that lovely chap Ludovic Kennedy going the other way. Surely you'd let the two of us in. Wouldn't you?

[Hazel]

At last, Adrian, you and your guest are very welcome. There's no murderers here though for Mr Kennedy to get to know...

[MisterHobgoblin]

Can I bring Robbie The Pict?

[Hazel]

Blimey, people I have to Google probably don't get a pass...and no, he doesn't.

[David]

Hmmm, I'm intrigued as to why Gordon Brown's toe would get in but by virtue of being attached to the rest of him is rejected! :D

Okay, under normal circumstances you'd quite like having Stephen Fry in your club, so he'll be my lovely, fluffy companion for a new try.

[Hazel]

David and Stephen, more than welcome.

[MisterHobgoblin]

How about Jocky Wilson?

(to save googling - he is Scotland's greatest living sportsman)

[Flingo]

And please may me and Lewis Hamilton come in, Hazel?

[Hazel]

Isn't he the man who sang Reet Petite? ;)

Jocky, no. Lewis, like Gordon Brown a toe in the door. And no more.

[MisterHobgoblin]

How about Wee Jimmy Krankie?

[Calliope]

Will (sorry, you have to lean really close to make out what he's saying, on account of his vocal chords being gone) wonders, if someone brings his old mate Kit Marlowe, would he be welcome too?

[Hazel]

Kit is always welcome in my club.

Wee Jimmy Krankie..sadly no. (Though points to you Mr HG for making me chuckle the most at your choice of escorts).

[MisterHobgoblin]

Is the rule that the escort must not be a Scot?

[Hazel]

Is the rule that the escort must not be a Scot?Absolutely not! I would welcome any applicable Scot...a select group more than others of course...

[megustaleer]

Please can I come with Sir Walter Scott?

[Flingo]

Ok - I've taken Lewis home, and have returned with Bill Bailey. Can I come in now? It's very cold out here.

[Hazel]

Meg and Walt, welcome!

Bill and Flingo, put a jumper on, it's gonna get colder.

[Flingo]

I give up - I hear there's a very welcoming pub round the corner from here, and they do a fantastic all day breakfast. And their hot chocolate is second to none. I'll wait until this club is under new management before I re-apply for membership!

[Radders]

For want of no one better and due to the fact that I admire him so much can I bring David Attenborough?

[lucyb]

I'd quite like to introduce you to Adam Hart-Davis?

[Hazel]

David and Adam - both welcome.

Anyone ready to guess the selection process?

[David]

Anyone ready to guess the selection process?
Can we have a handy list of who's hot and who's not?

[MisterHobgoblin]

Is the criterion that the guest must have written a book that you have read, Hazel?

[Hazel]

Is the criterion that the guest must have written a book that you have read, Hazel?Close enough - regarded enough as an author - Lewis and Gordon I don't regard as such.

MrHG, the clubhouse is yours. I have changed the decor a little, nothing too drastic..no chintz...just a few paintings.

[MisterHobgoblin]

OK - we'll keep this simple.

Application for Club Membership

If you would like to join my club, please apply in writing. Every member of BGO is eligible for membership although, modern society being what it is, I expect some applications will have to be rejected - and I expect some members will have to be thrown out too. Rejected applicants may reapply for membership, and former club members who have been thrown out may apply for reinstatement.

Thank you.

MH

[Calliope]

Dear Mr H

May I respectfully apply for membership in your club?

sincerely

Kimberley.

[lucyb]

My Desk
18th February 2008


Dear Hobby Gee,

Please may I come in - it's blasted cold out here. Only six of my eight fingers are working properly....

Love and hugs,

Luce.

xxx

[MisterHobgoblin]

Kimberley - Thank you for your application. I'm sorry to tell you that your application has not been successful on this occasion. However, please feel free to reapply at any time.

Luce - Thank you for your application, which has been accepted. Please continue to abide by the rules.

MH

[Grammath]

Mr. HG, my dear fellow,

Would you consider letting me into the club house too, please.

With very best wishes,

Gram

[MisterHobgoblin]

Gram - Thank you for your application - I am happy to accept it. Please be aware, though, that you must continue to adhere to the rules to avoid being thrown out.

MH

[Calliope]

Dear Mr H

Thank you for your letter. Please may I reapply?

yours sincerely

Kim.

[MisterHobgoblin]

Kim - Thank you for your application to join my club. You are hereby admitted to membership. Please may I take this opportunity to remind you that the rules must be upheld or your membership will be revoked.

MH

[Adrian]

Memo

To: MisterHobgoblin

From: Adrian

Re: Application for membership

MH, let me in. Or else.

[Ends]

[MisterHobgoblin]

Adrian - Thank you for your application for membership; unfortunately it was not successful on this occasion. Please do consider reapplying.

MH

[Adrian]

Consider reapplying. No way. Just let me in!

[lipstick_librarian]

Mr HG
I don't like feeling left out. Please let me in...
l_l

[MisterHobgoblin]

Lipstick Librarian - thank you for your application which has been successful. Please remember to adhere to the rules or I shall have to revoke your membership.

Adrian - thank you for your further comments. You will not be surprised to learn that you are still not a member of the club, although your recent comments will not prejudice any future application you might make.

MH

[Grammath]

This is a very polite club if I may so, Mr. HG. Please let me know if the requirement is simply that we say "please". Thank you.

[MisterHobgoblin]

Grammath - Thank you for your suggestion of the rule. It is part of the way there.

Kimberley and LucyB, I am revoking your membership because you have not upheld the club rule. Please feel free to reapply - and if your application is successful then I hope you will continue to abide by the club rules in future.

MH

[Calliope]

Well if you're going to be like that, please note that I don't even want to be in your stupid club :p

(Unless this post is enough to get me readmitted?)

Thank you.

[MisterHobgoblin]

Kimberley - thank you for your message, which did cause me to have to think. However, I was not able to read it as an application for readmission (and I did try) so, no, you are still no longer a member of my club.

MH

[Calliope]

Darling Facist Bullyboy

Please let me in your club you bastard.

Boomshanka

Kim

(PS hope someone else here remembers The Young Ones.)

[MisterHobgoblin]

Kimberley - Thank you for your application for reinstatement in my club. I am happy to accept. Please would you continue to adhere to the rules this time in order to avoid your membership being revoked again.

MH

[megustaleer]

Dear MisterHobgoblin,
I have observed with interest the number of people who wish to join your club. It is very popular.
Please would you be kind enough to consider my application for membership.
Yours sincerely,
megustaleer

[Radders]

Oh Mister Hobgoblin,
I am writing to apply for membership of your club. Please would you consider my application and let me know by return of post.

Thank you.

Radders

[MisterHobgoblin]

Megustaleer and Radders. Thank you for your applications to join my club. They are both hereby accepted. Please do not forget to observe the rules during your membership or you may be expelled.

MH

[megustaleer]

Why, thank you Mr Hg.
I do intend to keep to the rules, if I can just figure out what they are.

[Calliope]

May I please take this opportunity to welcome our new members.

[Flingo]

Dear MisterHobgoblin,

I humbly request that you consider my application to your world famous club. Please accept this letter in lieu of the online application form. My up-to-date CV is enclosed.

Thank you in anticipation,
Flingo.

[MisterHobgoblin]

Lipstick Librarian, Kimberley and Radders - I am throwing you out for breaking the rules.

Flingo - thank you for your application which has been approved. You are now a member of my club. Please remember to obey the rules or else you will suffer the same fate as Lipstick Librarian, Kimberley and Radders.

MH

[Adrian]

Dear MrHG,

My humble apologies, I was merely trying a new tack. Maybe I please be allowed to apply for membership of your club.

Many thanks, Adrian

[MisterHobgoblin]

Adrian

Thank you for your application: it has been accepted. Please remember to adhere to the club rules to avoid expulsion.

MH

[Adrian]

Many thanks, MisterHobgoblin, and sincere apologies for awful grammar in my application.

Yes, I think I'll like it here. I like what you've done with the old place, though I think the curtains are a little outre for my liking.

[MisterHobgoblin]

Thank you for your kind words, Adrian. You will fit in well here.

I suspect you know my rule and if you tell me what it is, the curtains will be yours to change.

[Calliope]

Please may I be readmitted?

[MisterHobgoblin]

Kimberley - thank you for your application for readmission. It has been accepted. But please, this time, try to adhere to the rules...

MH

[Calliope]

Thank you. I am most honoured to have been accepted and believe that this time I will be allowed to stay?

If I'm correct about that, I will continue to be polite and leave it to Adrian to explain why.

[MisterHobgoblin]

Yes, Kimberley, I'll let you stay this time.

[nonsuch]

Quite baffled by the floating membership, I wish to reapply to this fascinating syndicate. Please give me the social secretary's details.

[MisterHobgoblin]

Nonsuch - thank you for your enquiry. I am the social secretary and I have accepted your application to join. Please remember to adhere to the rules or you will be thrown out.

MH

[Flingo]

Many thanks for your acceptance of my application, MisterHobgoblin. You can't imagine how it has changed my life for the better already.

[MisterHobgoblin]

In that case, Flingo, you'd better stay in the club.

MH

[Adrian]

If I'm correct about that, I will continue to be polite and leave it to Adrian to explain why.
I believe that to be accepted you have to be polite and when in the club you have to reply within x hours or before x other replies to stay in.

[MisterHobgoblin]

Adrian - you are so close. Can you expand a little on being polite? And the time limit for being thrown out is arbitrary and based more around my work and sleep patterns than anything else.

[Adrian]

I haven't looked back but I think a little word like please goes a long way when joining your club.

[megustaleer]

I haven't looked back but I think a little word like please goes a long way when joining your club.I think you need a little more politesse to retain your membership.

Was I the only one told, as a child, to "Mind Your Ps and Qs"?

[MisterHobgoblin]

Please will get you in - but what will keep you in, I wonder...?

[Adrian]

That part I wasn't too sure about.

Anyway, I'm away for a long weekend and so I couldn't take the key to the clubhouse even if offered. I believe there's a spare one under the doormat if anyone wants to sneak in and take over...

[jfp]

I know this club would have me, which is why I haven't applied... But I have worked out the membership rules:

Applications must include the word "please", as previously established, but also:

Acknowledgement of acceptance must include the words "thank you"...

[MisterHobgoblin]

jfp - you have managed to wrest control of the club from my hands without even joining it. You clever thing.

The club is yours to do with as you will.

[jfp]

:D

I have an idea for a club, but no time to organise the running of it, as I have to go out now, and subsequently I'll be away from tomorrow lunch-time until the beginning of March...

So... please could someone else kindly take care of things for the time being?
Thank you. [Told you I'd have got in to Mr HG's club... I was very well brought up... ;)]

[Calliope]

Well, all right, since this fun thread was going to waste and there's no need to be polite any more, I'm reopening the Secret BGO clubhouse.

It's still a bit spartan so I've decided to invite applications from anyone who can help furnish and decorate. Bring me something. If I want it, I'll let you join.

[Adrian]

Yeah, that last landlord really cleaned the place out, didn't he.

I'm here with a Chesterfield sofa that I don't need at home since I remodelled the library. You're more than welcome to have it in the club if you can find a place for it.

[megustaleer]

Would this CD holder (http://www.balifurnish.com/bali-wood-skulls-skeletons/skull-9-wood-skeleton-cd-holders.html) fit your club's decorating scheme?